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untold sorrow
Junior Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 12
aiea, hawaii, united states

0 posted 2000-02-18 03:09 PM


the rain came down in mystic waves
and softened up the ground
while lovers stood bound by the heart
with not a soul around

both soaked and cold as winter nights
clothes sticking to their skin
yet all they need to keep them warm
is warmth of love within

their eloquently spoken words
under terrential rains
whispered into each others ears
hidden by silken manes

and suddenly the sun broke through
as tenderly, they kissed
and thought about when they once were
the lovers in the mist


© Copyright 2000 Justin Roth - All Rights Reserved
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
1 posted 2000-02-18 03:18 PM


This is beautiful ! I love it   I'm looking forward to more of your work. Welcome to Passions and especially to the Pub.   Cheers !  
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-02-18 08:04 PM


hi and welcome to Passions...
this is VERY beautiful...lovely imagery of both the surroundings and the lovers.
very smooth rhyme flow as well...and a real romantic poem...how nice(I've been over in my home away from home-Dark Passions)so this is nice change of poetry themes..(smile)
I hope you enjoy it here...take care
janet marie

 "Bring it on baby what you getting into...
I swear at once it was the little things that mattered--
But it all seems true to you.
Say the hell with my name and say the hell with my picture...
but swear, for the one time you need me around.
And here I'll stand like it matters...
Only once love gets through then gets scattered by the rain...
But pain gives me the right to be unkind"...
Tabitha's Secret


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

3 posted 2000-02-18 09:00 PM


Welcome to Passions, Untold Sorrow! This is absolutely beautiful!! Please check your email for a special welcome!

I am having ongoing computer problems which seem to be worse at night when the site is busier. I will have to read your other poems tomorrow morning. I'm sure they are wonderful as well.  

Denise

Panne447
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 196
S.A. TX
4 posted 2001-04-18 03:23 PM


US, Very nice image and I like the form you took to tell this - but I am partial to rhyme and meter and for the most part it flowed nicely.
I only had one bump reading:

both soaked and cold as winter nights
clothes sticking to their skin
yet all they need to keep them warm
is warmth of love within

***I would avoid repeating 'warm' here and add another syllable for the beat - something like
'is the heat of love within' --see what I mean?
and a typo:
their eloquently spoken words
under terrential rains<--torrential

Other than those 2 places I enjoyed your quatrains and am glad I found this. Panne

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
5 posted 2001-04-18 03:34 PM


This is a lovely poem.  Welcome.  Joyce
Trillium
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098
Idaho, USA
6 posted 2001-04-18 05:49 PM


Beautiful, romantic poem.  Good work.

Betty Lou Hebert

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA
7 posted 2001-04-18 07:07 PM


Welcome! this is so beautiful and romantic...looking forward to more of your poems! Ellie

A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails.

twilah
Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 91
Maine, USA
8 posted 2001-04-18 07:22 PM


This poem is beautiful, romantic and smooth..it is as beautiful as the state that you live in...I could almost hear the music playing as you wrote it.... )   Twilah
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