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trembled
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trembled |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida 
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this is not necessarily a finished product...may have a few word changes after i find my thesaurus--my crutch! haha..but i thought i'd throw it out there anyway as i've thrown out the rest that have been written to this friend of mine.... be kind!  dg---------------------- i trembled as i heard your voice quiet in the reciever... with my wall yet partially built i feared that you would break it down-- that i would not be able to crouch low enough behind my unfinished safety in a crude attempt to guard my damaged heart... i pleaded with not a word, my soul screamed out in whispered silence; have mercy! i hoped that you would hear... and then, familiar words descended from your lips and all around fell silent. the world stopped moving for half a second. before i knew, i'd responded with the same-- how can i deny my heart, how can i hide behind my wall... you didnt try to break through, you merely stood at the foot and whispered. my structure nearly disappeared... three words, my friend, three words-- i trembled when i heard... --dgvarner < !signature--> "i speak in written word--my lips, no sound may utter..." dgvarner [This message has been edited by dgvarner (edited 07-18-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 dgvarner - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dennis L. White Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463Michigan, U.S.A. |
DgVarner, Wow! What do you need a Thesaurus for? This is good the way it stands, the vunerability, the resolve and the eventual surrender. I liked this! Dennis :^) Moonbeams radiate When the veiling cloud has past Playful shadows dance Dennis L. White :^) |
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midnightblues Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597Singapore |
MMmm i agree wholeheartedly with Dennis. This is absolutely astounding, dgwarner! Thanks for sharing *S* If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues™ |
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Lady Lost Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 470 |
Wow..I know the feeling all too well, the feeling where your stomach drops and you feel like you are about to faint. The feeling you get when your in the mall and you see an old love...I was literally moved to tears reading this, I really do understand. Awesome poem! You can never have too much fiction; reality can be such a bore |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Yes, nothing needing changed here. Excellent! Allan  |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
I need to find a thesaurus myself for words worthy of describing the excellence of this poem. I am afraid they aren't any. "Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built Out of longing great wonders have been willed They're only little tears, darling, let them spill" Nick |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
you guys are so wonderful for my self-confidence!  thank you all so much for your replies  since i'm getting good reviews here...i posted it also in voices on the web as book submission..maybe worthy--maybe not..but if anyone cares to vote on it there...please do! thanks again!! dg "i speak in written word--my lips, no sound may utter..." dgvarner |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
I agree with everyone here this is great just the way it is, and I will be sure to visit this poem in Voices to give it my vote. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Wow! This one is awesome. I don't think you need to change a thing.  )vlraynes |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
hey...thanks LD and TRICKS for your responses!..and thanks to those of you who voted for this one in voices its rather dear to my heart dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
I love this one, dg.. so special, and quiet.. no, I think, if u do decide to change anything at all, make it subtle, so we can't tell! 'Coz ah like it just the way et eez!! ^_^ Aw man, I saw this one too late, I can't vote now.  I wanted to!!  Love, Lynne |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
YU LAN: youre boosting my smiley on my face lol not to mention my ego! thanks for all your replies--really enjoying them!! dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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Jon Mewett Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304 |
Well I've said it before .....Deep....and really well written....this sort of writing takes courage. Jon |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
oh dear..this is wonderful...what i would have given to be you during that time!! beautiful! ~Dawn whatcha doing in this darkness baby when you know love will set you free? will you stay in the sea forever Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
dvg, This is wonderfully written. I wouldn't change a thing. Sounds like it came straight from your heart. marcy |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
jon: thanks a bunch..courage is me! heehee! pout: thank you so much! it was a wonderful feeling...but scary too; after the hurt, to stand above the wall that was built to guard AGAINST the hurt..to make myself vulerable again.. alle'cram: definately from the heart..the good, the bad, the trembling... thanks for replies!! dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
I voted, but then you knew I would love, on a par with everything else you write, beautiful. Ha! You need a thesaurus, like I need a bad hair day!! Bravi Bravi Bravisimi!!! |
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