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Will we reconcile?(first attempt at rhyming)
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Will we reconcile?(first attempt at rhyming) |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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Vengeful feelings we openly reveal Severe scars we cannot heal Too much squabbling,too many petty fights Cloaking a veil of dusk on our light Too deep for comfort flow our gushing wounds Broken and trampled to pieces our resigned hearts pound By and by, we smile Attempting to bridge across the miles Will we reconcile? Maybe in distance but never in heart |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again |
a senior member with 700+ posts, and this is your FIRST rhyming work? well, i am impressed, not only by the poem but as well as the fact that you write that much free verse. on the contrary, i just wrote my first free verse. this is well done, and i like the theme. long-distance relationships are tough. (i really hope that's the theme, or i'll feel real dumb.) especially when things start to not work out. well done. good job on the rhymes  We all got our demons. We all got somethin' to atone for. |
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midnightblues Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597Singapore |
'Maybe in distance but never in heart' Golly I LIKE THIS!! *S* If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues™ |
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Lady Lost Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 470 |
What an amazing poem...You have perfectly described something I am going through right now with a friend of mine. Very touching-thank you. You can never have too much fiction; reality can be such a bore |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
hmmm..touched home... great first rhyme attempt  wonderful poem..dg "A Poet's life is on written page; a scenario to take the stage--watch..." dgvarner |
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Susan C. Davis New Member
since 2000-07-10
Posts 6Talent, Oregon, USA (In So. Oregon five minutes off Interstate 5) |
I love the reference to "our light....." And I always hope that romance can have a chance to turn into a long-term friendship. I have managed that over the years with few exceptions. Puts things in a different "light." |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
Kaile; This is a romantic and beautiful first rhyming poem. I too only write free verse and rhyming is a chore, so I understand your efforts completely and those efforts are fantastic! Ellie Summers haunting melody that awakens the butterflies, calling them to join the dance in their silent song of praise to God. ell |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Not bad, Kaile, not bad at all! Denise |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Kaile, wow great first attempt look forward to more rhyming and otherwise from your pen. "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers. |
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Mon Cherie
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922Land of Never-ending Summers |
This reconciling in this but not in the heart reminds me of yet another Chinese idiom. And yesh! I like this one too..._,,,^.^,,,_ |
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