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kaile
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Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2000-06-03 04:17 AM


Vibrant rose withered~
Your poems are worth nothing~
Both long past their prime

© Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
Little_Spyro
Senior Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 659
San Diego, CA, USA
1 posted 2000-06-03 04:32 AM


lol, well, I came, I saw, I...well, no, I didn't conquer, but I still thought this was a good one!  

Little Spyro T. Dragon

Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri
2 posted 2000-06-03 08:28 AM


Nothing?  senimental rose...poppori fragrance.. pleasant memory.. or one you wish you could forget? Cute poem LOL
kaile
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since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
3 posted 2000-06-29 11:59 AM


thanx for reading it anyway,Little_Spyro and Septsong LOL

bringing this up again with:

A Haiku You Don't Want To Read

Out mist-coated pane~
Parched leaf at mercy of gale~
A loved one shuts eyes

pls tell me which of the two u prefer

Ted Reynolds
Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331

4 posted 2000-06-29 12:41 PM


Both so sad.
kelieth
Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314
Normal IL - USA
5 posted 2000-06-29 12:51 PM


I thought this was good and sad as well.

Kevin

"Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals."

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
6 posted 2000-06-30 04:07 PM


OUCH! I hope that is not directed at me. The title is quiet poignant for whoever the haiku is aimed at. really enjoyed it.
I think I prefer the 2nd one, the first one has a sense of anger where the second one is more sad and the images are beautiful,
"Parched leaf at mercy of gale~" love that line.

"monuments put from pen to paper turns me into a gutless wonder" Manic street preachers

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S
7 posted 2000-07-01 03:15 AM


well its me again i love both of them and is see it as sad but at the same time as helping to the person whos poems are bad to tell them write better. well there wonderful as always.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-


childomine
Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818
st. petersburg, FL
8 posted 2000-07-01 09:16 AM


Both are very good.  So few words that leave a lasting impression.

...Give me the strength to walk the soft earth, a relative to all that is....
Black Eagle
Oglala Sioux holy man


Mon Cherie
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Senior Member
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers
9 posted 2001-12-04 03:35 PM


Both are so real, it really hurts to read. I am not just saying it coz I really felt the pain when I saw "a loved one shuts eyes"

I guess as compared to someone dying, I'd prefer a withering rose and my poem having no readers...   though the latter is more of disappointment and hurt than real sadness.

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
10 posted 2003-01-06 12:05 PM


The second one is definitely my preference Kaile. I don't like the first one nearly as much as some of your others, I'm not sure I understand the point to it.
BUT your second one is beautifully sad.. and you're right, one I don't want to read in real life..

Midnitesun
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Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
11 posted 2003-01-06 12:13 PM


I enjoyed both of them, as they are fragments, reflections of the diversity of your mind, part of your unique POV, your self-portrait.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2004-08-18 12:53 PM


sigh
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