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The Poet's Pen (Shakespearean Sonnet?)
| Open Poetry #4 |
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The Poet's Pen (Shakespearean Sonnet?) |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648
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The poet nightly sits with pen in hand And contemplates the fleeting years of life The hourglass has nearly drained of sand Each grain within can tell a joy or strife The struggle's fierce to give each one a name To wrest some wisdom from experience Too often phrases tend to play the same Old tired tunes from aging instruments Undaunted by the fierceness of this fight The bard within refuses yet to die The battle rages well into the night Impassioned soul screams loud the battle-cry Another victory is sung again As honey flows forth from the poet's pen. ------------------ Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-14-1999).] [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-14-1999).] [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-14-1999).] [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-15-1999).] [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 11-16-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Denise - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Denise, it flowed so beautifully too.  ------------------ Yesterday is history, tomorrow just a mystery. And if today is good to me how could I ask for more? |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
I love it Denice. You are talented. |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Great work Denise ! : ) |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Indeed it is a Shakespearean sonnet, but the body should be broken into three quatrains and a final rhymed couplet. Such as, "The poet nightly sits with pen in hand And contemplates the granuals of life The hourglass has nearly drained of sand Each grain within can tell a joy or strife The struggle's fierce to give each one a name To wrest some wisdom from experience Too often phrases tend to play the same Old tired tunes from aging instruments Undaunted by the fierceness of this fight The bard within refuses yet to die The battle rages well into the night Impassioned soul screams loud the battle-cry Another victory is sung again As honey flows forth from the poet's pen." Excellent content in this piece. ------------------ Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thanks Ohme, Seymour, Munda and Dream for reading and commenting! Thanks for the correction, Dream. ------------------ Denise |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Exquisite verses from Denise again While jealousy is flowing from my pen Elizabeth |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Why, thank you, Elizabeth! You are too kind. My writings have nothing over yours. But thank you for the lovely comment! ------------------ Denise |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
I love the last line....so beautiful! ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Lovely, denise... good job!! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Beautiful Denise, but not sure I agree with dream on that one as I like to see the sonnet as it was intended all together in compact form...that is what a sonnet is most noted for, it's compactness. To see what I mean, look at mine "To Have Never Loved" ------------------ Alis volat propriis (She flies with her own wings) |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Hi, Ruth! Yes, I have looked at yours and that is the format that I originally had this in as well as the other one I wrote last night 'At Last I Call You Friend' (now on page two). From what I gathered from sneaking in on the sonnet classes the compact style seems to be the most popular! What does Nan have to say on this, do you know? I do so want to use the correct style. Thank you for reading and commenting Ruth, Sys and Doreen! I am most appreciative! ------------------ Denise |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Wow, you amaze me more and more. You have a style of a classic poet and I really do enjoy the images that you paint with words, beautiful!!! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Wow, thanks Master for your wonderful comment! I am flattered! You are too kind. I am so glad that you liked this! Ruth, I changed it back to the original format! Thanks for your help! ------------------ Denise |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Yeah, but do you know the mess it makes when that honey flows on the paper?YETCCCHHH!! The poem is wonderful, Denise. You can take the simplest act or idea and turn it into a thing of beauty. Congratulations. btw, check on the spelling of granuals, ok? |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Denise beautiful job! Balladeer bless you! Don't sneeze on the screen ewww, what a mess. heeheh |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Very well written Denise...perhaps you should think about submitting this for publication?? |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Wonderful work, Denise. What more could I add that the others haven't said?? I agree with them. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I can only ditto all of the above. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you all so much for your kind comments! I am so glad that you all liked it! It means much to me! Balladeer- I can only imagine! (thanks for the spelling refresher!) Hoot- Know any publishers who won't give me an ulcer in the process?!  ------------------ Denise |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Denise - great job! This is a true sonnet indeed. Just a couple of things I would add to the suggestion box. A Shakesperian Sonnet is usually divided into 3 quatrains and a couplet it is true - but Shakespeare and his contemporaries also conformed to the Petrachian (which I may have spelled wrong!) format sometimes (An octave and then a sestet). In either case, the format was obvious due to subject matter - the conceits or metaphors often changed slightly through the divisions, so I don't think you have to divide it up into 3 clear stanzas with the couplet standing alone - the content is sufficient in itself. Shakespeare often used punctuation to delineate the subtle shifts of his content - so you could even put a period at the end of each quatrain - and that would also avoid any confusion of trying to read it as Petrachian. Also, I'm not sure of the second line - it seems to need one more syllable. I guess it depends on how you read 'granules'. Perhaps an adjective before it - anyway just a suggestion. I love the imagery - and the way it follows Shakespeare's much loved theme of Time. Congrats!! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you Severn for your wonderful, in depth comments! I pronounce it as I had originally had it misspelled - gran-u-als. I realize that this is one of those words that can be pronounced either in two syllables or three. Perhaps for the flow I will try to come up with another word to replace it! Thanks again for all your help! And I am so glad that you liked it! ------------------ Denise |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Hey Denise - This is great - Just a quick comment as I run out the door (again) - The stanzas can be broken or not, as you choose - I have to agree on "granules" - For purposes of formality, as sonnets truly are - I'd adjust the meter to make the word two syllables... The poem itself is great - Give me a sonnet any day.....LOVIN' IT..... |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Just wonderful Denise!! ------------------ A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey - you're so welcome!!!! That's what poet friends are for - hehe. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you Nan, Pepper and Severn! I am so glad that you all think this is good! I never thought I would be able to write a sonnet! I changed the second line altogether! Got rid of that pesky word granules! Thanks again for all you help! ------------------ Denise |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
This one should stay at the top of the list so we can read it over and over. Quite a talented poet, you are Denise. Elizabeth |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
What they said , and more .But how much creedence can you give to a "stuter"? |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Elizabeth- you are so sweet! Thank you! Dr.Moose- Thanks so much! (I thought you escaped that nut house!) ------------------ Denise |
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