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Open Poetry #4
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FIrst attempt at better poetry.........Angels
| Open Poetry #4 |
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FIrst attempt at better poetry.........Angels |
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First__Knight Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678
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Angels ~First Knight~ Out of the darkness it was easy to see, the man who was standing the man yet to be. Tall in his ways, but not in his height, a man to be feared just for his might. Wanting to be more than just a mystery, Wanting to show them that his heart was set free His past now gone, he started his flight, no longer a man who chose to fight. Born of the son and to the Father above, his life was reborn with his grace and with love A angel of mercy, brought him wings. A voice of caring and special things. Gold breast plate of truth and a white turtle dove, Steel shield of justice and iron fist of a glove. His hair long and white, with death he brings, to demons and such just when he sings. Like others that rest in a place just like this, just follow the Father and you will not miss The place called heaven, I tell you true. You to can be saved and be there too. I shall pray for you and for all of this bliss, your father, your mother, will all make my list. Travel with me to the sky so blue, Blessed as an angel, there're far to few. Share what you are for you are what you share [This message has been edited by First__Knight (edited 12-13-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 First__Knight - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Very lovely, FKnight. (And what was wrong with the work before...?)  K |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
geez sir knight this is muh first reading of you and i must say it is very pleasent and you pulled off the long lines quite well yuh i will look for yuh in the future |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
You have done a marvelous job with this verse. Might I suggest line breaks as a tool to add impact? Such as; "Out of the darkness it was easy to see, the man who was standing the man yet to be. Tall in his ways, but not in his height, a man to be feared just for his might. Wanting to be more than just a mystery, Wanting to show them that his heart was set free His past now gone, he started his flight, no longer a man who chose to fight." That is of course just my own idea of where the line breaks would go. The formatting, while elegant can make poetry a little difficult to follow. IMHO Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© ------------------------------------------------------- "Either kill me or take me as I am, because I'll be damned if I ever change..." Count Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade (Marquis de Sade) |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Well done, but I'm kind of partial to one of the "not so good other ones" myself |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
He will show you the light, He will show you the way. He will make it alright, At the end of the day. He sends angels to guide, To help and to sooth. Through this bumpy ride, Our path he makes smooth. He sees through our worries, He sees to our hearts. Give him the chance, You'll have a new start. First Knight...this was wonderfully done Sir. I agree with Dream Evil. Breaks would make this flow smoother. You have a kind heart and I thankyou for letting me read this. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Trying to improve one's work, whether or not it needs it, is always an admirable trait. I applaud you. |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
This is lovely First Knight I enjoyed this much, as I have your prior works.... A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Excellent work! And, I must echo what was said before when I ask "what was wrong with your other writings?" That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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First__Knight Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678 |
I have changed the format.....and I too think it looks better now. Thank you Dream Evil. So beautiful.......thank you Marilyn Thank you Svern, wayoutwalt...hehe love your accent., Pepper, Balladeer, Sven.....many thanks Hoot--- Well you know my thoughts....hehe As for my other work, I find it okay and not this to be much better....It was only that I am in attempt to make it more technical correct in the writing. But...who knows what is really correct. Go figure..hehe Thanks again for the imput Share what you are for you are what you share |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
Beautiful poem! ~*~ Hell is not a place of fire and a devil with a tail and horns. But a place of torment because the light of God is gone. To escape this, accept the blood of Jesus Christ! ~*~ |
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First__Knight Senior Member
since 1999-11-08
Posts 678 |
Very kind of you Echo.....Thank you Share what you are for you are what you share |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
"Tall in his ways, but not in his height, a man to be feared just for his might." Many a man wouldn't even recognise these words, thankfully, some, like you, do! HUGS Yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream... |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very lovely, First Knight, although I saw nothing wrong with your earlier ones!  Denise |
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Eloise Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096Wyoming |
I have to echo Denise First Knight. This was very beautifully done. I have also enjoyed all your other pieces as well. |
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