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Triplets to another level...
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Triplets to another level... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Ok, so much for the easy introduction to triplets, or tercets. Now let's get to the good stuff...the ever-popular and often hated terza rima! The terza rima is an undetermined (up to you) series of triplets with a rhyme scheme of 1-2-1, 2-3-2, 3-4-3, etc. In other words, the first and third lines of each stanza must rhyme with the second line of the preceding stanza. The poem ends with a couplet (two lines) which rhyme with the center line of the preceding tercet. I've seen nothing to indicate that the lines must consist of ten syllables, although the most famous ones are, such as Shelley's Ode To The West Wind....and don't forget the meter. Amaze me.....  |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Mercy! I'm only half-way through the other exercise Meter? Any meter? |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
An alchemists' ingredients reveal Beliefs outside the realm of proven fact Regardless of the truths they would conceal All movements of magicians must be tracked Considering their skill to misdirect And thus maintain illusion through their act Display more magic than one would expect As much as you possess in what you write Beguile the reader that they'll not suspect Right out there in the open, in plain sight A bit of magic's been performed just right |
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poetman Junior Member
since 2009-03-30
Posts 10 |
Excuse if something doesn't make sense English is my second language The warrior The mist is settling and the warrior appears In his presence everybody is fiddling For they are trying to hide their fears when he went nobody believed he'll be back but as he came back no one called hi dear His quest has come to an end, no longer does he lack the power of self control Now he has respect and all he lost was a sack Poetman |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
any meter, moonbeam, as long as it's consistent. consistency is everything...... poetman...I know the challenges of trying to write in a second language (especially poetry!) and you have done a very admirable job here. But..... Remeber that a terza rima ends with a couplet of two rhyming lines. Welcome to the workshop  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Dr. Moose... A clown will do his best to make one smile With greasepaint lips beneath a funny nose He plays the fool with expertise and style. The smile behind the greasepaint no one knows. The mind behind the mindless acts portrayed Is deft enough to fool both friends and foes. We laugh at all the silly words displayed And never sense the flavor of derision Nor feel the painless insert of the blade. He earns applause for such a clever mission. Our world is brighter thanks to our magician. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Thank you oh master of melodious missives, and a belated happy April fools' to you. Doc |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Wow, I have to admire people who can do this sort of thing so fast. Good work Dr Moose  |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Thank you moonbeam, and once again, welcome to the workshop. Doc |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Sorry Dr Moose I didn't say thanks for the welcome before - "thanks for the welcome" |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Hey 'Deer, I'll try to get this one in this week. A |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Oundle I think of you curled in a coil of the Nene, your buttery limestone as soft as the mist which lifts winter mornings from worldly routine to something ethereal, spire blessed and kissed by centuries of hands that with mallet and maul have carved out a heart that will try to resist the clogging ubiquitous march of the mall through markets and gardens, allotments and lives untouched until now by a frost that will spall the mortar of life until nothing survives of that which was England and Englishman's ways, except for this churchyard, the headstones like hives, a-buzz with the protest from Englishman's graves, which echoes the stones of the cool empty naves. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
moonbeam, An impressive write, good story and imagery, but I'm a little confused as to the meter. It comes across as almost, but not quite anapestic. Can you enlighten me as to what it is? Doc |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Thanks Doc . Principally dactylic with variations of an unstressed syllable at the start of line and a stressed at the end - I think Betjeman did something similar on occasion. Somebody mentioned 11 syllable lines in the other thread so I thought I'd have a shot at concocting my own.M |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
M, Thanks for clearing that up. I knew the meter was there just from the reading, but couldn't put my finger on it. Interesting variation. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
moonbeam, your dactylic with the unstressed leading syllable is excellent and exact...with the exception of by centuries of hands (Of course, if I can make my mouth say centuries as a two-syllable word, it works). As far as the poem itself, I think it's really brilliant. I like to see poems which describe things in a way no one else has thought of. I think you do that here very well... |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Yw Doc You are very kind as usual Mike. Over here - well at least my specific neck of the woods - "centuries" is always "CENT tris" (with the "i" as in "lick"). I spose you do it "CEN tur is"? Humm I wonder how Grinch pronounces it. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
yep...here it's CEN-tu-rees or can even be CEN-tu-REES. It's interesting how pronounciations differ from country to country, and even area to area. (Still remembering the tiff with Nan over whether FIELD is one syllable or two...she was wrong, of course ) |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I was right. Mike was wrong... And just because he's being a brat, I'll cheat with a repost! Symbiosis True friendship knows its own intrinsic bound, The pinnacle a covenant unfound. Perchance cerebral spirits meet, Fulfilling thoughts and dreams in kind To render yearning minds replete. Thence wending on with arms in bind, Mere touch supplanting idle prate ~ No greater trust than hands entwined. Enamored passions proffer sate As ardent raptured hearts unite In sumptuous repast of fate. With surety of love in sight, Two souls shall only then enjoin In confluence of shared delight. That perfect niche, a bond without excess Yields ever symbiotic synthesis.  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
hehe....knew I could get you to come out of the darkness...; How about it, folks? YIELD...one syllable or two? |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
I'd have to say either/or, depending on the context of the meter that has been established. Doc |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
According to a syllable counter online, "Field" is only one syllable. That is the way I counted it before I found that online syllable counter, too. Hey Nan, I sure have been missing you. Where have you been hiding at? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
LOL - Mike, I said it was one syllable, right? Doc - thanks for stopping by my Morsels blog.. Hi Sue - at the moment, I'm in Michigan, being relentlessly harassed by Ron. He even  [This message has been edited by Ron (04-10-2009 07:32 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
An online syllable counter???? You mean, like the online translators where you type in Have a Nice Day in english and it comes out I Blow my Nose in Public in French???  Moose gave the perfect answer... Don't let Ron beat you too bad, Nanners! |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Oh no, Nan! Don't let him beat you. Maybe those words he is coming up with aren't even words. Maybe Ron is making up some NEW words. Ya think? Did you look in the dictionary to make sure it is indeed a word? Ron, don't be cheatin', now. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Please note.. My post above was subjectively edited by someone other than myself. He also neglects to mention the previous game where he was categorically expunged... |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Well, that explains why I couldn't find that word in the dictionary. Uh, does this mean that someone is in deep trouble, Miss Nan? |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Canines with Artistic Desires Doggone windows hide in winter dark; faded nose smears making dirty glass. Canines, eager, draw artistic marks, showing grubby prints when winters pass. Doggy pictures lit in springtime sun whisper, “Clean the panes and draw the sash!” Spraying Windex, watching smears undone, leads to dripping streams that wash the grime, offering view of vistas never won Windows gleaming, sparkling, looking fine - artsy dogs painting, nosing doggy slime. --- Alison [This message has been edited by Alison (04-14-2009 01:17 AM).] |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
G'morning. I'm enjoying reading this page... Some marvelous poetry here, peoples!!! andI'm learning, too. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Alison, Cute picture, delivered with style. Doc |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Alison, you are a sweetheart! The poem was right on technically and the subject matter amazing. You came up with a topic so unique it would not even be considered by others and you made a terrific poem out of it. THAT is what is called being a poet!  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Balladeer & Doc, Thank you both. I kind of tucked this one in here quietly as I was totally insecure about it. Thank you for continuing to be supportive, for teaching me, and just for bolstering me up when I want to bury my words in the back yard. xoxoxoxo Alison |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
I hope I'm not too late to join the fun. Here's a rework of an older piece (originally in blank verse). I shall go home now, where resentment Has simmered long, where ancient rage Ferments, where boiling discontentment And toxic dudgeons brewed an age, A slum where live some drunk curmudgeons Intoxicated in their cage. They wait, fomenting ancient dudgeons In self-made dungeons in their soul And dream of using as fresh gudgeons Some pieces of my flesh, my jowl To fish blood-thirsty red piranhas And leave my carcass on a shoal. In hope it would attract iguanas They’d leave me there, and find a bar To drink and hire some young chicanas. Of course this all seems too bizzare; They sure will let me eat a gyro, Perhaps I’ve written mere canard. ....................... I shall go home now, my ground zero Where all my faults remain enshrined Where I shall never be a hero, Where to my success all were blind. But now, that I be dregs or scum To them it is now froth. Resigned, I’ll go and meet my dad and mum Who’ve known what I’d look like when I Would bald and lose my teeth, a bum Worn by decay. For when I die (As tumors in my throat foretell) They’ll be the only ones who’ll cry. I shall go home so I can tell Them I’ll still love them when in hell. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Marc, I'd say you've given a new definition to the word "unique". You have some great lines and incredible rhymes in this one, plus, id you were to recite it out loud, it wouldn't sound like a structured rhyme poem at all. An amazing piece of work, sir |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Balladeer, thanks for the nice comments. Though the rhymes and meter seem fine, I'm still not satisfied with it. I've reworked it today, now in iambic pentameter and rhyming aab ccb dde ffe etc. I wanted to post it in CA, but that forum seems to be gone, can't find it...  Have a marvelous day! Mark |
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Amberzlynnc Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229New Jersey |
You portray the illusion you're flawless As you try very hard to mislead me. I have standards for men, I'm not lawless. So-called "facts" that you tell me are stories. They've been derived from your dishonest mind. I require a man with TRUE glories. Why don't you speak what is true and unwind, Before my tolerance for you is gone. My advice- wise up or get left behind. *Amber |
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Amberzlynnc Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229New Jersey |
Oops! I forgot there has to be a couplet at the end: You portray the illusion you're flawless As you try very hard to mislead me. I have standards for men, I'm not lawless. So-called "facts" that you tell me are stories. They've been derived from your dishonest mind. I require a man with TRUE glories. Why don't you speak what is true and unwind Before my tolerance for you is gone. My advice- wise up or get left behind. This is your one and only second chance To show a crucially honest romance. *Amber |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
A little work to do here, Amber. stories and glories do not rhyme with "me" The couplet must rhyme with the preceding middle line of the tercet. There must be a consistent meter. I'm afraid you fall short in each of these points. I do applaud the attempt, though. Many people do not even mess with this form - it can be tricky. You have a beginning. Now let's see what you can do to whip it into shape |
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