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Calling all lune-atics
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Calling all lune-atics |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Once upon a time, poet Robert Kelly decided that Americans needed their own version of the haiku...so he invented it (actually two). It is called the Lune. There are two versions of the lune. The first consists of three lines of 5 syllables, three syllable and five syllables. Haberdasheries have never dashed habers for me. The second consists of lines of three words, five words and three words - no restrictions on the amount of syllables. Doctor Moose calls. All the girls in town Hide behind doors. So get a little lunatical for me and come up with something in both versions that impresses with it's cleverness. How much easier can it get, right?  |
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| © Copyright 2008 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, I take it the beatings will continue until morale improves? Glad to hear it! Doc |
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The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan |
The shadow is here it appears to learn from the deer College next fall for any and all Frosh is stressfully refreshing JNS "I celebrate myself, and sing myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."-WW |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Yay! Balladeer came back with lessons. Now, I am happy! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Doc, as my Dad used to say before the blow fell - "This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you" - nah, I didn't believe it, either. shadow, good to see you...and I'm trying to understand the feeling of "stressfully refreshing"! Alison..what makes you happy makes me happy  |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Early this morning What a sight By dawns early light What sight did I see So pleasing me The first light of Friday Is it ok to rhyme ? I just realized the second one is an inverted lune . I going to call it a West Virginia lune. Is this better: So pleasing me Was what I did see Early on Friday |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sure you can rhyme, chopsticks...but you can't give a line like "was what I did see", not even in West Virginia  |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Balladeer, I thought using my artistic license I could on occasions ignore some minor requirements of grammar; but I guess not on your watch. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
Lightning strikes scare me. Why is there fire in the air? Fido stinks bad. But the skunk won't forget 72 Maple Street. Hmmmm.... can I use numbers? |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
I put spaces in the above reply... sorry - not sure what happened. Hope you can make it out. There really is two Lunes there! :O |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I see them both In the first one, there are only four syllables in the third line. Inthe second, yes, you can use numbers but the numbers are pronunced. se-ven-ty two. Try again? |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
Fire is one syllable? I will try again very soon! thanks. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
LoL! Believe me, my friend, I'm with you! I don't even trust people that consider fire to be one syllable and have fought vigorously to defend it as a two-syllable word. There is a majority of the country not enlightened enough to see it that way, however, and insist it has only one syllable so I have been forced to abandon my southern ways and accept it as such...but it's good to see at least someone agrees with me!  |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
LOL... Good. Glad I'm not going nuts... I hear two syllables in "fire", wouldn't it be pronounce "far" if it wasn't two syllables... Anyway, here they are: My children mirror each other. Reflections of love. Please don't tell me there are not 3 syllables in reflections...haha. Next: The tree stands tall, reaching for the sky, fullfilling it's fate. [This message has been edited by Balladeer (06-28-2008 03:25 PM).] |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
I am having terrible problems editing. "Fates" should be "fate" - I tried to do a preview and it forwarded me on to submit. So sorry - I will get this worked out! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ok, I edited it and both exercises are excellent. Not only do they adhere to the structure but both express wonderful thoughts. A big WELL DONE to you! |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
Hear that everyone... Balladeer game me a "well done." I'm so happy, I'm doing the happy dance.... my first workshop... woot woot... Thanks Balladeer! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Those "well dones" mean the world, don't they? I hope you keep on in the workshops - they are really fun. You outta go back to the beginning lessons too if you have time. So glad you are here with us and I loved your lunes. A |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
Thanks Alison - I've been reading a few of your lessons - the one on color was GREAT! I thought about trying, and might yet, but it sounds rather difficult. I plan on being in here more. Take care- deb |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Exceedingly brief poetry caused me too much grief. oh so true it's much worse than haiku what to do? I should end this lune as its tune may sound me a buffoon that a harpoon just might hit me soon from lune lagoon |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
1. A trip to the store school supplies a new beginning 2. looking over schedules trying to find classes school starts now Ahh! school starts in less than a week! ... and I'm finding it hard to get off PiP and get ON summer homework... *gulp* Rileigh |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Ok, Sir Balladeer! Here is my contribution to this assignment. Hope it is right. Remembering you Brings pain Deep inside this heart A gentle soul Can sooth a broken heart With kind words |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Ok, so one ties into the other, and here they are.... I miss you my love Our spirits Are ne’er far apart My poetry, it always remembers You touching me With your softly calloused hands Arana Darkwolf |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
First Lune-atic Version" A filibuster Fills me up 'Til I am busting! My second Lune-atic version is as follows: Do not assume. ~ It makes an 'ass' of ‘u’ and ‘me’. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, you guys and gals have been busy. You have all done well....almost. Rose, your second line of the first one has only two syllables. Rachel...no fudging, please. "My poetry, it..." is fudging. |
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rachaelfuchsberger
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609Las Vegas, NV |
Mental note..."it" is a fudge word. Arana Darkwolf |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
yep...it's a fudge word when next to the object it represents. So are other words like "my brother, he comes tomorrow" or "the bird, she sings so sweet" Fudging!!! (unless you're Speedy Gonzales!) |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Ok Balladeer! I fixed it, I hope. Remembering you Causes pain Deep inside this heart A gentle soul Can sooth a broken heart With kind words |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Re-posting because I think I got ignored..... 1. A trip to the store school supplies a new beginning 2. looking over schedules trying to find classes school starts now Rileigh |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Atta girl, Rose! Now it works.. Rileigh, #1 is good....#2 is not. Re-check it ,please |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Ok, it's late, so I'll probably mess it up. Lune 1 Even a Dutchie is able to count syllables Lune 2 Sometimes love lingers in sweet memories of happiness fulfilling the heart Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
No mess up there, dutchie...you done good! |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Ok, thanks Deer, I'll try to attend class more often, but I'm still very busy with the sheep inspections and all. Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Amberzlynnc Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229New Jersey |
I am all alone. You are here, but you're not with me. *Amber |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very nice, Amber. The form is exact and you made 15 syllables very thought-provoking. Nice work! |
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ken206573 Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487 |
These two poems are connected but in 2 different versions. I hope they are acceptable. 2 version It's hot tonight sun sets to the west glancing back east waiting half way seeing if she would appear good night luna 1 version As the trumpet played the moon hides from the noisy horn Luna daze beyond darkness, clouds to their star children |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
More than acceptable, Ken. Excellent!....especially the first two, describing the sun setting, looking for the moon to appear and take over and then bidding her a good night.....very nice indeed. Thanks for sharing! |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Variation on a theme, Mike: For Mike Mack If Robert Kelly advised it, maybe I’ll try it. The Japanese form requires one find the deep image. The American form seems built for the quarter mile; not the brush heavy with fresh ink ready to spatter a line of thick drops... ellipses... across rice paper — nor-epinephrine, a massive intravenous jolt |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well done, Bob. Assuredly the American version is a poor variation of the Japanese form. I would guess the creator was just having a little fun with the variation instead of trying to compete with it,much as in the same way you are having fun putting it in it's place. You followed the assignment well. Nice work. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ameriku Lune Sounds be amply heard Hand o’er heart Of thee I shall sing Stilted halted voters Scratching heads losing their way Indecision halting progress © 2010 krj 25-Sept |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nicely done, Sunshine....and very true! |
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