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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Look! Triplets!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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A group of three lines is known as a triplet, or a tercet. Many forms can be created using triplets with different rhyme schemes. We can begin easy. Give me a poem using three triplets with a rhyme scheme of a-a-b, c-c-b, d-d-b. What this means is the first two lines of each tercet will rhyme and the last lines of all three tercets will rhyme with each other....and don't forget the meter, please. Oh, yes....make the poem about the town you live in  |
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| © Copyright 2009 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
We live in Solitude it's south of Beingrude and north of Takeahike on County Line. There is no traffic light, neon to fill the night, or drunks to puke up a bottle of wine. Still we have lots of fun when we decide to run over to Roadkill on Squirrel and dine. |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
critical mass, I really enjoyed this. Welcome. Alison |
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critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
Thank you Alison. I had fun with that. Maybe I'll see you over on Squirrel at the diner sometime. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nice to meet you, critical mass. Gotta love this entry. Your last lines in the second and third stanzas kill a nice meter that the first stanza set up but it was a very clever piece and worthy of a tip o' the hat  |
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critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
Balladeer thank you One more try . We live in Solitude it's south of Beingrude and north of Takeahike on County Line. There is no traffic light, neon to fill the night, or drunks upchucking bellies full of wine Still we have lots of fun when we decide to run to Roadkill out on Squirrel when we dine. Thanks for the welcome |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Just wondering - are you counting two syllables in "squirrel" or one? I like this poem even more when I read it again. A |
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critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
Alison thanks again. Two syllables on squir/rel, that gives the line ten beats. Of course I was moon walking in the kitchen when I wrote this so my count may be off by a nose. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
That's what I thought - it sounded off if I read it with one syllable. By George, I might be getting the hang of this after all. It's great that you are joining us in the Workshop. Now I best go work on my own contribution. A |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Alison, I think you may just be getting it!! Yes! Excellent changes, CM. Poem flows as smooth as silk.....nice work! |
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critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
Balladeer Thank you. Never hurts to rewrite, and believe me I'm the King of squash and toss. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I like squash!  Okay, okay. I am going! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Country Girl Dreams Winter darkness creates sighs Summer sunshine remains high Flowers blooming, splashing colors over blue Robins flit in cherry trees Sweetly singing, slumbers ease Early dawn will paint each morning bright and new Thunder showers end the day Keeping forest fires at bay Making endless plans of outdoor things to do -- Alison |
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critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
Alison How in the world did you manage 11 beats per line in the three rhyming lines. Even Poe couldn't have done that on his best day. 6 6 11 6 6 11 6 6 11 Have fun with this. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Tequila? (kidding) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
AhA! A Jose Cuervo composition! I should have known!!  You are really getting this down, Alison. The meter is good, the syllable counts are right on and, although I won't place you over Poe quite yet, your improvement is spectacular. Keep it up!  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
laughing Let's not even put me and Poe in the same sentence! I am happy though that I am making some headway. Is it acceptable to go back and redo assignments? And (not to be the class tattle tale), but where is Moose? A |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Alison, I'll be along momentarily, I got a little sidetracked reading everyone elses' work. Doc (tattle-tale, lol) [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (03-30-2009 09:42 AM).] |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
A curious experiment has left me in Bewilderment just tapping these four feet I followed Alice through the glass awoke in this poetics class and had the luck to meet First Nan and then the "Balladeer" it's now been ten rewarding years but one must be discreet For in Bewilderment we say though Cheshire cats may fade away and queens may off some heads Imagination holds the key but practice makes good poetry of course then there's the meds 'cuz one pill makes you smaller n' the other makes you taller n' it's like the Walrus said |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Ok now I'm totally confused. As a total rhyming duffer I was going to try this in preference to the impossible gender bender thing you set a few days ago Mike. But Critical Mass's nice comment about Alison's poem has got me wondering. Does the poem have to have that 6 6 11 structure? And anyway where does 6 6 11 come from? If we're talking syllables I make it 7 7 11? And what does CM mean by "beats", does beats mean syllables as he/she seems to imply by mentioning 11 in the final lines? I thought "beat" usually referred to the stressed syllable of a foot, but it's quite rare to use that term isn't it? And do we have to write in a specific meter? And I thought it had to be about our town (Moose?), or can a beginner have a bit of latitude? Oh, and one last thing, have I missed something about Poe? CM mentions that even Poe couldn't write lines of 11 beats, is there something particularly difficult about this that I need to know before trying? Sorry for all the questions, but it's daunting enough trying to do something I don't normally do without the added confusion. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Old terraced houses stained by smoke With cobbled streets, so hard to walk, Down every alley stood a cotton mill. Great chimney stacks that powered the boom That drove the shuttle, spun the loom All laid down low, to rest or gravely ill. See Blackburn through the mist and rain The clog sparked flag’s long lost refrain, A memory, she holds me softly still. ------------------ Sorry, it's not very good, I tend to rush things. . |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Does the poem have to have that 6 6 11 structure? No, the poem can have any structure you like And anyway where does 6 6 11 come from? If we're talking syllables I make it 7 7 11? Me, too. Maybe critical mass uses new math?? And what does CM mean by "beats", does beats mean syllables as he/she seems to imply by mentioning 11 in the final lines? I thought "beat" usually referred to the stressed syllable of a foot, but it's quite rare to use that term isn't it? I agree with you. Perhaps CM is a beat poet? I'll let him explain what he means by beats. And do we have to write in a specific meter? No, but the meter needs to be constant for the fluidity of the poem. Use iambic, trochaic, anipestic or anything you like, but stay with it throughout the poem. And I thought it had to be about our town (Moose?), or can a beginner have a bit of latitude? You didn't have to get to Moose's poem to see a deviation there. check out the tongue-in-cheek names CM used! Moose is, well, moose. His home town is reported to be on a distant planet Oh, and one last thing, have I missed something about Poe? CM mentions that even Poe couldn't write lines of 11 beats, is there something particularly difficult about this that I need to know before trying? No, there is nothing particularly difficult about 11 syllable lines. Poe probably wouldn't write 11 syllable lines because...he wouldn't want to! Good questions, moonbeam, showing a lot of thought on your part. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, grinch, you may not think much of it but I really like it. it's an excellent portrait of a once-active boom town, factories working, houses sooted from chimney smoke, deserted now as the boom died with only the closed factories and soot remaining as a reminder of what it once had been. It paints an excellent before and after picture, all in the space of a few lines....it works for me. Moose, first Alison told on you and then so did moonbeam.  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I didn't really do my town either -- I'll try that part again. And I counted 7-7-11 too - and like I said, let's not put me in the same sentence with Poe. I am still trying to pull my feet out of my mouth most of the time. A |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Grinch awww now I feel really homesick. Thanks Mike, that was very useful, I'm a little busy today but I'll try |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
moonbeam , I didn't miss the part about "hometown", just used a little more "lattitude" than longitude. On these blue pages I list my address as Bewilderment, USA. I didn't mean to add to the confusion. Welcome to the workshop. Doc Balladeer, Lol @ "distant planet". Doc Alison, Nice job on that. " I'm tellin' Teach", lol. Doc critical mass, Like the humor in that, welcome to the workshop. Doc Grinch, Gotta agree with Balladeer, nice imagery. I can drive three miles down the road and see this, or just read your poem again. I think I'll save the gas. Doc [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (03-31-2009 07:48 AM).] |
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critical mass Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275Michigan |
Don't look at me, I'm no poet and besides I'm old. and thanx Moose for the welcome.----7 beats ha |
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Claira Member
since 2008-05-11
Posts 102British but living in Thailand |
I'll be back soon with this assignment. Alison, you have come on in leaps and bounds  |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Ok Sir Balladeer, I managed to come up with a little something for this assignment. I know it's not the best, but, it's all I've got. I promise to try to do another one. A little better, I hope. Anyway, here it is. Tornado Seasons |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very nice, Rose! You got the triplet down perfectly, in a poem that makes excellent sense. One never knows about the weather this time of year...watch out for those tornados!!! |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Awwww Balladeer! You made me smile as big as the ocean. LOL! Well, maybe not quite that big. It thrills me to know that I finally got something right on the first try. Thank you so much for not giving up on me. I'm still going to attempt the previous assignments we were suppose to do. I guess late is better, than never, huh? |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Hey Claira - thank you. And, Sue? That's great .. you can never get your assignments in too late. So there, girl friend. Okay, my class is over and I am ready to knuckle down and work on my poem. See, Sue, I am the late one! A |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Yep, that's seems to be the right place for it. There are quite a few metrical substitutions in that one, mostly line-starting headless feet. I shall go home now, where resentment aged, Where umbrage has long simmered, where once raged Stern teapot tempests. Whether I am scum Or dregs to him, to me, it’s now all froth. There, on the porch or on the heath, the wroth Curmudgeon huffs and waits, much soused on mum. It has been years. There I shall pace the room Where mom imbued all gauds with cheap perfume, Where she exhibited phantasmagorias. There‘s on the dusty boudoir desk the tribal Canon: dated almanacs, the Bible And the Reader’s Digest. (The Victoria’s Secret set’s now safely tucked below Dad’s smutty mattress.) Decked with bibelots, A teak (unvarnished) vanity; its broken Mirror held together with duct tape Reflects the plastic crucifix, the crape That wraps her cherished New York subway token Lying on the sticky bed. I’ll sneak To the kitchen, to the fridge whose leak Will reek of rotten cabbage and of soured Milk. I’ll pare the ham of its slime mold Spread crusty mustard on brown bread (months old) And scoff a sandwich. After I have scoured For hours, with copious barfing on the floor, I’ll find behind the medicine cabinet’s door A helpful bottle of old Mickey Finn (I think dad uses it to brush his denture.) I’ll strip and gawk at the portrayed trencher And black-and-white nudes of my auntie Lynn That adorn the walls, and have a bath Reciting “Daddy” (verse by Sylvia Plath) With shampoo made of blue sea weed extracts And Asian soap of durian essence That grandma bought when I came in pubescence (She didn’t see well, with her cataracts.) Indeed I will return to my ground zero That place where I would never be a hero Where all my faults remain, enshrined and known; This is where they have seen my shriveled penis, What I’ll look like when I (as all our genus,) Will bald and lose my teeth. There I’ll atone For being born, and I will learn to tell My dad I’ll love him still when I’m in hell. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Marc Andre, you certainly come up with incredible rhymes...no easy way out for you and that's a very commendable trait. You push the limit and I like it....nicely done. |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Balladeer, thanks for the encouraging comments. Much of the credit you give me I owe to you. You've been teaching me a lot, and you've pushed me onwards too. What happened to the CA forum? I spend most of my forum time on sites solely dedicated to workshopping lately, but I'll sure keep coming here to the poetry workshop to keep learning. Mark |
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