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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Australia!!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Time to get down under and dirty, folks. We've studied various ways to write poetry using different forms of meter, amphibrachs, internal rhymes, similes, and all sorts of other things but there are two things that are not taught in the poetry books.....research and imagination. Research is important. Even if you are writing of emotions like love, loss or joy, it is the research you conduct of your past experiences which allow you to write a worthy poem. Imagination is everything. Without it, a poem is just words on paper. Australia! Research it. Use your imagination. Write something clever. There are a million stories in that country. Give me one (in poetic form) Kangaroo hop to it!  |
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| © Copyright 2008 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
May I get back to you on the last assignment? I can't think of light and clever or humorous right now, but I can research and write. I am missing this board, but I can't get through the last assignment yet. Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
No problem, Alison. You are always worth waiting for |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Mike, I noticed in CA that Chops may be coming to help here in the Workshop, a move which in my view will liven up the place and hopefully go someway towards making up for the loss of CA. Chops I, for one, look forward to seeing your contribution here  . I know we didn't always see eye to eye in CA but hopefully we can start over. And why did I lift this thread? Because when you posted it Mike I started out on a long rambling antipodean something or other, and I still have my notes for it, and I thought it might be fun to try and finish it. Is that allowed? M |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“ I know we didn't always see eye to eye in CA but hopefully we can start over.” Yes Beamer, we were often eyeball to eyeball and neither ever blinked. Had we done so, no one would ever remember either. I was once quieting this job and I ask my boss how much notice did he need ? He said, twenty minutes would be just fine. I will certainly give my friend Balladeer the same option and in twenty minutes I will be history at the Workshop.. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Of course it's allowed, good sir. Our assignments here never die. It would be a pleasure seeing both of you here. We have no "eyeball to eyeball" confrontations here. Actually we have none here at all. I could be the greatest bud-nipper in the world and proof is available upon demand Welcome  |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Ohhh I know all about your discipline Master Mike Whenever I pop in here I promise to be angelic.And Chops - I'm cool with Beamer (the Germans are great mechanics), if you're ok with Stopchicks - which you have to admit has a certain je ne sais quoi, a panache or flourish! |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thank you Balladeer, Moonbean, I have never done a start over, but it sounds interesting . I won’t to turn over a new leaf and I think the bud-nipper can make it happen. I think it would be good to see your notes on this thread . I will lurk for awhile, to be sure that all is forgiven . |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, then, all that is left is to get down under and dirty! Let's see some Aussie admissions!! I also plan to step up the lessons a bit in the near future...... |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
I'm cool with Beamer and I’m cool with Stopchicks Beamer, is also a great football coach at Virginia Tech . |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
I'm into new leaves too Chops Gimme a break though both of you, it's a beautiful day here and I'm going to get down and dirty with a chainsaw before I do it with a pen and a keyboard. Later. M |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
I'm tired of lurking, I wrote something. What to do with a kangaroo? They box and are fast on their feet. They can throw jabs, hooks and bolos, Without ever missing a beat. They come from that land down under. The land of the bright southern cross. Where talk is a funny accent And crocodile Dundee’s the boss. [This message has been edited by chopsticks (03-21-2009 09:13 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Attaboy, chopsticks. You jumped right in there (like a kangaroo?) It's clever but the meter in some places needs work, which takes away from the cuteness of the piece. I'll capitalize the accented syllables.... WHAT to DO with a KANgaROO? They BOX and are FAST on their FEET. THEY can throw JABS HOOKS and BOlos, WithOUT ever MISSing a BEAT. They COME from that LAND down UNder. The LAND of the BRIGHT southern CROSS. They TALK with a FUNny ACcent, (Where talk is a funny accent) And CROCodile DUNdee’s the BOSS The good thing about the meter is that your rhyming lines are the same and excellent. They box and are fast on their feet Without ever missing a beat The land of the bright Southern Cross And Crocodile Dundee's the boss. Dynamite lines in perfect meter! These are the others, though.. What to do with a kangaroo They can throw jabs, hooks and bolos They come from the land down under They talk with a funny accent Perhaps you can see that these lines do not jive together very well. You would need to work on making their meter more similar. "They talk with a funny accent" doesn't really work because, up to that point, every "they" you used refers to kangaroos so, unless you're saying kangaroos talk with a funny accent, it needs to be changed. I appreciate the participation, sir |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
This little ditty made me smile this evening Mike has nailed the few problems, although I have to admit I read the "they" as meaning the kangaroos without thinking it strange at all! I think there was something in that cup of tea I just had, lol. Sometimes a few little bumps in the meter serve to relieve the monotony so it doesn't all have to be perfect. But Mike will tell you all about that too. He's pretty good at that stuff. M |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Thank you Balladeer , the poem was conceived from to little research and imagination . Thank you Moonbeam, it had to be something in the tea. I guess it was the equinox. I’ll try harder next time. It wasn’t even funny. I see that now. Yada yada |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Most of what you write is funny Chops . It's all a question of place and time I guess.Cheers. M |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Most of what you write is funny” Thank you, Sir, I guess that some would agree ~ That this ain’t the place and I ain’t got the time ~ Moonbeam, when I was eye ball to eyeball with you , I wanted to do some kicking. , but now that we don’t have the venue of CA I would love to have a cup with you , but we don’t won’t to get carried away with this ~ Starting over thingy ~, but I do like it. There are few more out there that I would love to see come to ~Balladeer’s house of light ~. I wrote a poem about Balladeer's house of light, but I won't expose you guys to it without his permission. [This message has been edited by chopsticks (03-21-2009 10:57 AM).] |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
A cup! lol A wee dram sil vous plate , or failing that a pint of bitter (do you have that over there?)I am sure Balladeer would welcome any input in here Chops. There seem to me to be a multitude of fascinating threads covering lots of different poetic areas, I'm quite sure that many will prompt your pen into action. I'm struggling on with my Aussie thing, but the sun is still shining - it needs to rain! M |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You can fire away with the house of light, sir....in Open, of course. Not here.. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
The poem was about Australia’s, biggest and brightest , lighthouse “ The cape byron lighthouse “ that is dark for 15 seconds and white for 1 second. It is breath taking beautiful and called ~The house of light~ by some. I will wait and post the poem after there has been time for other poems posted on here about Australia. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“ A cup! Lol “ Beamer, “have a cup” can mean anything from a quick cup of tea to the Boston tea party. I don’t think we have bitters here , but we are willing to try it . |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Chops, if you walk into a pub here in the UK and ask for "A cup" you're most likely gonna get a strange look and a direction to the nearest lingerie store, lol. A pint or maybe a glass is more the ticket. And if you haven't experienced a pint of Sheepshaggers Gold or Bishop's Finger then you haven't lived. Cheers M |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Very funny Beamer. My cup runneth over. The next time I’m out and about I’ll ask for a Sheepshaggers Gold and I’m pretty sure I know what directions I’ll get. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ok, gentlemen. it's not a social forum, it's a workshop.... |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Sorry Sir, didn't see anybody working. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Yes sorry Mike Seriously though I really am working on the Aus poem, and I hope to have a shot at rhyming too, but finding it hard to write anything coherent these days. Thanks for being forebearing. [This message has been edited by Ron (03-23-2009 10:45 AM).] |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Balladeer, this past weekend especially on Sunday I got off subject with Moonbeam. I was doing a little fence mending with the Beamer. I guess I thought Sunday usually a slow day on here that it would be OK. I apologies if I disrupted anyone’s work and absolutely assure you that it will never happen again. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
No problem at all, gentlemen |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Uluru I Mai Wiyaringkupai Finally when grandfather tried to fly from Helvellyn they locked him up; asylum from himself. II Itjanu We visited all spring, and in the summer he unfurled enough to ask for escape into back issues of the National Geographic. My sister and I, from waiting rooms and hotel lounges, gathered into boxes all the dazzling world and stacked them, bursting light, from every cardboard seam, in the corner of his cell. Visits now chafed our palms on salty halyards, or saw us squinting through a sextant at the stars. We crisscrossed oceans with Columbus, Drake and Frobisher pierced the mysteries of Galapagos, hacked through rainforest, burned our soles on sand. III Wanitjunkupai A late November day, frost rimed up the chain-link fence. We trailed our finger tips in the azure of a bay, as tenders from Discovery carved civilization in prow marks on some Antipodean beach. And now we think of him as home. Antipode to his cage. Afternoons with scissors and Blu-Tack cutting windows in his walls: Rectangles of tawny desert, then abruptly green bush, eucalyptus cathedrals, spires of fissured rock piercing the insane magnolia of Surrey. An impossible horizon spans two feet between the night bell and the window grille. Above the washstand opera pours from under tilted beaks. Bondi on a sea of flesh and fabric. Across the clipboard drug chart a double page spread: Uluru stains the order ochre in the evening. IV Wari One morning, with the steel of January air in their lungs, they followed chaos through a tangle of twisted mesh and a supernova of glass, to the potting shed. A missing spade and mattock, a long coil of hemp. Drag marks in the dew. They found him six feet down, under a thousand years of yew. Stripped to his boxers, brown Surrey loam daubing his torso with Koalas, with one hand seized on a can of crumpled air, the other curled in rope. Sightless and bright as the south star, he abseils for the sun. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Wow! This is such a great read, moonbeam! You’ve turned facts gleaned from research into a very clever and original free verse form poem. It takes a careful read to really appreciate all the work that must have gone into writing this. The imagery is stunningly beautiful and unique - for instance “Uluru stains the order ochre in the evening.” , “a supernova of glass”, and the close - “Sightless and bright as the south star, he abseils for the sun.” Fine poetic form indeed! Surrey to Surrey, very clever. Wonderful poem, moonbeam, such a pleasure to read! Thank you! |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Wow! Is right. How do you do stuff like this. I’ve culled about fifty percent of it. Will I get it all, I don’t know. ~Object in motion~ Thank you |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Thanks Jenn and Chops, you are both very kind. It's still rather raw though I fear; sentence fragments and some of the imagery a bit ott. Plus I just realised that Balladeer's workshop is probably a no-go zone for FV, oh dear.  (But there was nothing in the instructions for this exercise that said it had to be metrical was there?) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Right you are, moonbeam. There WAS nothing in the instructions about following a specific form. Free Verse is a form of poetry and is more than welcome under such circumstances. All I have said is that I'm not qualified to critique it.....but I AM qualified to recognize a brilliant piece of writing when I see it....and I see it here. You have taken a wealth of information about the country and incorporated it into an excellent story. Hats off to you, sir |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Sorry if I’m intruding. I’m trying to give free verse a whirl, something I’ve avoided for a long time, largely due to my fear of a form that, to me, has no structured scaffold from which I can build. I can quite happily accept Moon's poem as a brilliant example of the form but could someone explain what makes it work? Grinch |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Great idea, Grinch, discussing what makes free verse "work"! But perhaps Balladeer's Workshop isn't the place for it, maybe take it to the Alley? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Mike - thank you, and I promise to try and write something soon that you CAN critique. Grinch - no way! I'm not so immodest as to claim it does work, it's certainly got plenty of problems. I try to make FV "work" using all the usual techniques because I'm boring and traditional like that. Jenn hi - meter in FV might be a good place to start |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
The Alley! OK |
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playing.with.crayons Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 362Neverland |
Before ... Sweet rush and gumnuts described patterns in the sky- grey, unfolding whispers of the Dreamtime. A hidden hazy halcyon of long-forgotten afternoons, where stories, found again in an old man’s Quaking voice, coursed through children’s memories. And sparks flew, spitfires in the dead of night, Rediscovering lines and colours, reviving Lonely ancestral spirits, to bring them back to Earth. Children were taught of birds and trees, the spirit of the wind. Footsteps made by people were in tandem with the rest. Sleep was sweet, broken only By the laughter of the birds, a promise to the sun, made an age ago. Now ... They lie on stained sidewalks; voices that once Spoke to the wind, fall silent on ashen ears. “Nothing but a crazy nunga!” They held keys to forgotten places where the Dreaming began. Before the children cried for mothers lost, and Freedom was no longer a possession they could claim. Sorry is not enough. Before long, they will see. A stolen Dreamtime waits for them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ lacking in any real imagery, I am aware nighty night. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Don't be so hard on yourself, crayon. You have some good lines there and it has flavor. Thanks for the participation! |
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playing.with.crayons Member
since 2006-01-02
Posts 362Neverland |
I think the flavour mostly comes from my indignation! I'm aussie and unhappy with the social inequity still running rampant here. And I was so impressed with Moonbeam's response, what a fantastic way to capture history and poetry and tie them so exquisitely together. Uh oh. I said exquisite. Cold shower time!! ~~Cheye |
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