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Oh, My Aching Amphibrach!!!
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Oh, My Aching Amphibrach!!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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The amphibrach is a foot of three syllables, the first and third unaccented, the second accented. (- / -). It is not usually known or named in the English versification, being misdescribed as a mutilated anapest or dactyl, with an excrescence at one end or the other. Rhythm of the amphibrach is ta TUM ta. There are many perfect amphibrachic words in English.. advancement - alertness - caresses - dominion - religious It is also to combine words into perfect amphibrach. The poem, The Bucket, by Samuel Woodworth, is written in strict amphibrachs throughout the poem. How dear to this heart are the scenes of my childhood, When fond recollection presents them to view! The orchard, the meadow, the deep-tangled wild-wood, And every loved spot which my infancy knew. That stanza is smoother than a 12 year old scotch. THAT'S what good rhythm and meter will do for a poem. Soooooooo.....tap those feet and dazzle me with your amphibrachis aptitude!!! |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
mutters that they ache already and I haven't even begun!  |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Say what?  Well at least I attend class, I just have trouble handing in assignments darn it!  but you already knew that.  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Alone in the Dark He sat in darkness; lit cigarette, end aglow I wondered about thoughts which enveloped his mind Inventions, dynamic, discarded in daylight Were forsaken, abandoned for others to find His footsteps resounded in cavernous hallways And broke the silence enshrouding his family at rest Insanely, he’d mutter conversations to no one Discussions held with no audience suited him best A brilliant man, he floundered among his addictions Torturous dreams tantalized him under black of night I watched him from shadows, unable to love him His compulsive behavior grew to feed our fright It’s difficult to remember his need to control us His love was forgotten as he grew mentally ill Yet now and then memories of him push forward And part of me continues to love my father still -- Alison |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
So it would be - / - - / - - / - correct? |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
correct, Sunshine. I'll get back to you, Alison. Need more time to go through yours. Looked at the first line and it was incorrect...so was the second...third was good but fourth was a no-no |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
-/-/--/-//-/ -/--//--/--/ -/--/--/--/- *****gold star ****** --/--/--/--/ -/--/--/--/- ****gold star******** -/-/--/--/---/ -/--/---/--/- -/-/-//--/--/ -/-/-/--/--/- /--//-/-/-/-/ -/--/--/--/- ****gold star********* --/--/-/-/-/ -/-/--/--/--/- -/--/--///--/ -/--/--/-/- -/---/--/-/-/ Ok, Alison. You got three of the sixteen lines right. Only thirteen more to go!  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Okay, I am so laughing here. Sunshine, you reminded me of that good student who always had a way of pointing out ... that something was wrong with my assignments. I really know that is not what you meant, but I cracked up. I could see you with your earnest face, hair in pigtails and looking all innocent. While I had braids that were falling out, skinned knees and a look that shot darts your way. Thank you for making me laugh so hard today. And, yes, my oh my. I would have erased that poem but the erasers are ALL dirty (glares towards Moose who seems to have been too busy playing in the playground to attend a few basic chores). Soooo, yep, I have worked on this one and will be back to it. Did someone spike the milk (pours some more hair of the dog in it - and smiles so innocently back at Sunshine!). Okay, okay. I am done goofing around. I am going .... Hellllp, I'm meltinnnnnnnnnnnng! A |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Now I'm the one laughing....imagining Sunshine in pigtails!  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I have another draft but want to look it over tomorrow evening before I post it. My head is feeling like it is filled with cotton .. but it is filled with three syllable words! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Y'all, you're going to be sorry when I find the photo of my pigtails...I think I know just where to look too! Anyway, Alison, I would not point fingers but I was sincerely trying to understand As 'Deer and oh so many others know, my meter is always off a heartbeat or two, so when I struggle to find the right tempo or meter, so that maybe one day I can master a meter, and get meself past free verse!  Well, not quite pigtails, but this is close!  I'll find the pigtails photo soon! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
And while I'm taking a break, 'Deer, you must know that I hated my pigtails...because everyone DID laugh. Probably because I also had to wear Hush Puppies when every other girl go to wear those hot and sweaty patent leather Mary Jane shoes! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Sunshiney Sunshine, I am waiting with bated breath for pigtails! And I know you were not pointing fingers - I was teasing cause it struck me funny. Thank you for smiling with me. I don't think you would ever point fingers - which is why I said it. Now, can you get that Dr Moose to clean these erasers? He is simply AWOL when it is his turn! xoxoxo - you know I can't afford to put my feet in my mouth. They are still trying to learn to count. Love, A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Oh - I love that picture. Thank you for posting it. You made my morning. xoxoxo |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well, this isn't the photo, either, but you can see if they were not pigtails, they were always "up"...  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
What a cute first pic! Who is that petting you?  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
First pic was my first dog, Bobo. Originally called Ruffles, I couldn't pronounce that name at the age of one, but Bobo came out just fine. She was a wonderful cocker mix, my very best friend. Somewhere in the archives there's a poem about her. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Hmm.. Metre never was my strong suit and I think this proves it. Well this is a strange kind of musical metre It bounces and pounces and rumbles along I don’t think I’ve got it quite right on the stresses But sometimes the fun can be getting it wrong I know metre is something I should work on but honestly I think it’s beyond my meagre skill. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Don't overestimate your meagerness, ginch! Actually your lines are perfect. The only are where one could read it another way would be "I don't think", where one could say I don't think but you established the meter so definitively in the first two lines that the mind automatically reads it the intended way. Very good work, sir |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Alone in the Dark Alone he'd sit and smoke; the darkened room was empty. Enveloped by creative thoughts that clamored at his mind, Inventions were discarded, tarnished under light of day; Forsaken, abandoned for another dreamer's find. His footsteps resounded in cavernous hallways And sacrificed sanctuary that eluded our rest. Empowered by discussions never shared with others, As lonely revelation suited his dysfunction best. While mentally consumed by insatiable addictions, He’d contemplate fantastic dreams within the guise of night. I watched him among the shadows, unable to love him; His behavior became more compulsive, feeding my fright. Compassion dissipated, edged by desire for control. His boundary lines diminished; mentally he was ill. With time, the thoughts of him gradually just disappeared; While I acquired freedom, escaping my father’s will. --- Alison [This message has been edited by Alison (09-17-2008 11:13 AM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I'll dig into it when I have a little more time. I do see that, if the lesson were on iambic sentences , your first one would be perfect! Alone he'd sit and smoke; the darkened room was empty. Nice work!!! (if the topic were on iambics, which it's NOT!!!!) |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I think the boat passed me by on this one - I am going back up to read the directions again. :spins: |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Oooooooooooh  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Short & Sweet (like fall) As colors infiltrate, emblazon the valley Such palette empowers retiring green leaves They inspire creative reflection, offering Such brilliant autumnal horizon to see - Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
As colors infiltrate, emblazon the valley..........-/-/-/-/--/- Such palette empowers retiring green leaves...............-/--/--/--/......YES They inspire creative reflection, offering........../-/-/--/-/-- Such brilliant autumnal horizon to see........................-/--/--/--/.......YES - you're getting there..... |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I think one of my problems is the double stress issue - I seem to miss those consistantly. I think I need to buy a better dictionary tomorrow. Okay, I am off to fix this one. Thank you, Oh Wonderful teacher. A |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
As colors delightful, emblazon the valley Such palette empowers retiring green leaves And inspires creative reflection, framing Such brilliant autumnal horizon to see - Alison |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Each word that we speak is distinct for its sound has a pattern unique to our ears. An accent will fall into place on its own and these beats are the stresses one hears. The poet will shift certain words into place to achieve what the meter calls for, resulting in works that ring normal and true to the way that we speak, nothing more. [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (09-18-2008 11:44 AM).] |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
That makes a great deal of sense to me. Plus, I like your poetry. Add them together and I am feeling like I am off to a good start to hot foot my feet through the day. A |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You're up to 3 out of 4, Alison! The third line is a no-no....get that one right and you're there! True words, Moose. Interesting the way you switch to beginning the second and fourth lines anapestically but, since you were consistent in doing so, it works well. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Alison, Thanks, just trying to help, but, as Balladeer pointed out I misplaced the line breaks which may add to the confusion so I re-edited to remove those pesky anapests. Doc |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Fall Invasion As colors delightful, emblazon the valley Such palette empowers retiring green leaves Imagine creative reflection, framing A brilliant autumnal horizon to see Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ohhhhh...so close,Alison! Just one error.. reflection, framing re flecion, framing (short)(long)(short) (long) (short) needs to be short-long-short-short-long-short You need an unaccented foot between -ion and fra. Do that and you're home free! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Fall Invasion As colors delightful, emblazon the valley Such palette empowers retiring green leaves Imagine creative reflections are framing A brilliant autumnal horizon to see Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
     YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Got me laughing again. Thank you for putting up wtih me. I'll grasp it someday (maybe). Alison |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
 Concessions Mom braided my hair up Pulled tight so it stayed put! I did not know some day It would become my look! For way too long this face Look pinched, wan, with freckles! It was her decision Much to my derision! Melancholy plays hard With heart strings that still pain To once more touch her hand And be seen as plain Jane. ©KRJ 9-16-08 Amphibrach? |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
not even close.....but cute! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Yep, that's me...total loser. But in MY head...heh... ah well, I'll leave these classes to the experts, and just admire their works! Psst...not even the title? |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
i love you being part of the class! And that picture is adorable! xoxoo Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Sunshine...yes! The title was a perfect Amphibrach beginning. I'll be happy to dissect the poem in it's entirety if you like, although I know that free verse is your specialty (that you excel in, btw, like few other). |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
I'm trying /to write you /a poem in /a meter don't think I / can finish /it all, thus /delete her. It's hard to /accomplish / my brain is /exploding, so give me /a kiss and/ my heart will /be loading. Did I pass???? Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
You did good, dutchie! If my lips reached to the Netherlands, you would get that kiss  |
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ken206573 Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487 |
at first i couldn't understand one thing about it?_? until i read your stanza, i truly enjoyed reading that than understanding the amphibrach itself. |
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