Ok...so I took a shot...I know...it's bad..lol

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Poetry Workshop

Ok...so I took a shot...I know...it's bad..lol

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2008-05-26 10:21 AM

Wondering these empty halls,
My heals clacking, whacking, hacking,
At the endless nothing,
Which was once full.

My fellows in Insanity,
In the Institute, astute, resolute,
Have fallen into obscurity,
As I once was.

Justin Thyme and Justin Case,
Were banging, clanging, hanging,
Around this place,
Causing mischief.

While the needles were filled,
Nurse Cratchet would catch it and ratchet,
Our chains together more tightly,
For injections.

Prescribed by the one and only,
Dr. Moose, with Mother Goose while eating chocolate moose,
To cure us of our insanity,
To which we clung.

That would send us tripping,
Swirling, whirling, curling,
Into sanity,
Which we would abhor.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 2008-05-26 08:38 PM

Thanks for taking a shot, Marilyn! Your internal rhymes aren't bad. I don't understand what the "catch it" represents behind Nurse Cratchet, wondering should be wandering and I think the dessert you are referring to is chocolate mousse and not moose, but the other ones are very inventive. They are not enough to carry the poem, however. No other lines rhyme at all and the syllable counts are all off, killing meter.

Don't send me a poem that to claim to know is bad. Gimmee one that you know is GOOD!

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2008-05-26 11:19 PM

I know Mike...but I wrote!! That was the whole point of this one. I have not put pen to paper in so long I forget how. When I tried to come up with something I drew a black...ergo this....cr*p. I suppose the point is I tried even though I know itis bad.

I need help my friend...something to stir the juices.

M

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2008-05-27 01:53 AM

I understand, old friend, and ,yes, you DID write and that is indeed the point. I know exactly what you mean!

I'll do everything I can to get those juices stirred....let's have some fun!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.