Come Home (Anapestic Attempt)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Poetry Workshop

Come Home (Anapestic Attempt)

Claira
Member

since 2008-05-11

Posts 102
British but living in Thailand

0 posted 2008-05-25 01:15 AM

There is fear in my mind
That you will stay behind
I know you had to go
Just this mask I will show
My emotions once cold
Start to melt, truth unfold

From that first gentle spark
To great laughter and lark
We could make a good team
My American dream
Sweetest love, so divine
For 10 days I will pine

[This message has been edited by Claira (05-25-2008 03:26 AM).]

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

1 posted 2008-05-25 10:49 PM

Excellent work, Claira! Syllable counts are exact and the anapestic meter is awesome. congrats!

PS...some words really, er, stink when used in poetry. "pine" happens to be one of them. It cheapens the poem. Try to use it only when absolutely necessary....like never!

Claira
Member

since 2008-05-11

Posts 102
British but living in Thailand

2 posted 2008-05-25 10:57 PM

Thank you Mr 'Deer, couldn't have done it without an excellent teacher.

Taken note of your comments on pine and have thrown it out of my dictionary.

Claira

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2008-05-25 11:44 PM

Good!

(wonderful pic, btw)

Claira
Member

since 2008-05-11

Posts 102
British but living in Thailand

4 posted 2008-05-25 11:56 PM

Come Home

There is fear in my mind
That you will stay behind
I know you had to go
So this mask I will show
My emotions once cold
Start to melt, truth unfold

From that first gentle spark
To great laughter and lark
We could make a good team
My American dream
Sweetest love, so devine
For 10 days I must whine.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

5 posted 2008-05-26 12:35 PM

Very good! Leave it to a bar owner to know her whine!

Claira
Member

since 2008-05-11

Posts 102
British but living in Thailand

6 posted 2008-05-26 12:44 PM

Thank you.
Talking of wine, Simon dropped a bottle round for me earlier.......now where's that corkscrew. Glass for you teacher?

Oh and thanks for the pic comment

Claira

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.