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vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

0 posted 2003-06-18 02:47 AM



~*Soul'ar Eclipse*~

She stands in open view, yet seen by none
While praying one will notice soul's eclipse
Though most feel only calm of warming sun
Within her heart, the storm would capsize ships

None look, with naked eyes, upon her grief
For fear they may be captured in its wake
A few may offer shoulder of relief
Yet no one sees her spirit slowly break

Beyond her guise of 'happy and content'
She slowly drowns with falling of each tear
And though no sound she utters of lament
Her heart pleads silently for one to hear

She stands in open view, yet seen by none
And prays someone will look beyond the sun

~vlraynes

© Copyright 2003 Vicky L. Raynes - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2003-06-18 07:05 AM



What a title....
and you delivered even more
in the poem.
Sorry...I can't offer anything to make
this more stellar than it is...

I'm just sitting with my mouth open.

Good thing there're no flies around.


Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
2 posted 2003-06-18 09:12 AM


LOL@Karilea and the flies thingy.

Seriously though, the reason you can't find anything to improve it is because it is pretty much perfect as it is.

Great job Vicky. I really appreciated your choice of rhyming words, eclipse/ships, content/lament. Not seen everyday.

Thanks,
Pete

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2003-06-18 10:40 AM


Vicky~
Just loverly my lil' buddy~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182
Netherlands
4 posted 2003-06-18 10:00 PM



Well, what can I say. I come in here after long absence and find this beautiful sonnet waiting to be read.

Thank you Vicky to give me pleasure tonight.

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2003-06-27 07:21 AM


You know that I love this, because I already told you so... ... The rest of these sandbox folks need to know it too though... KEWL sonnet, Vicky...
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
6 posted 2003-07-03 11:44 AM


viraynes,
I'm glad I popped in on this. It is indeed an excellent write, quite visual.
Doc

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