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The Sonnet Assighnment [sic}
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The Sonnet Assighnment [sic} |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA 
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A Sonnet Doggone it! I gotta write a sonnet Assigned by the poetry workshop. Procrastinate for weeks, to think on it, My thoughts are vaporous; the ink won’t drop. Most speech is spoken in pentameter, Ten syllables before a pause for breath. But speaking words in iambic meter Bewilders my poor brain cells near to death. I can almost achieve the right word rhyme The rhyme or near rhymes exercise the mind. This procrastinator is out of time. The sonnet is due, the instructor, kind. This submittal should be anonymous The anonymity would be a plus. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Louise Ryan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Bridget, I really like this (reminds me just a little of one of mine even, not that that is a good thing). In fact I like it enough that I think I'll have to be presumptious again. Your theme is good and the turn is too and the rhyme works. The main problem I see is the meter. Here is how that might be fixed just a little. Now don't think I mean to rewrite your poem or that I am even suggesting this for practical changes. It is intended only to demonstrate how you might bring the meter more in line with the standard. ------------------------------------------- Doggone it now! I gotta write a sonnet, Assignment for the month of May in shop. Procrastinate for weeks, to think upon it; My thoughts as vapor still and ink won’t drop. A sonnet's every line must have five beats, Ten syllables before a pause for breath, But writing sensible iambic feet Bewilders my poor brain cells near to death. I almost can achieve the proper rhyme; Those rhymes or near rhymes exercise the head. I fooled around and now I'm out of time; The sonnet's due and that is what I dread. This poem should be penned anonymous, For anonymity would be a plus. ------------------------------------------- Well, sorry for clobbering up your sonnet. And this is, of course, JMHO (offering, that is). Thanks for sharing. Pete |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Bridget~ quote:I hear that !!!!!!!!! But, I think ya' done purty good ! Hi Pete !  Got any EXTRA STRENGTH TYLENOL ?*Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
See? I TOLD you Pete would pop in with a fix it up! I think we need to reassign him a great new nickname.... Dr. Cureall! I just wish he would fix MINE!!!! |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Thanks, Pete, for the attention and time that you have given to this poem. When I submitted it, I thought that there was no way to fix it. Thanks for coming up with ideas on how to fix the meter mayhem that I created. I really liked your suggestions and was grateful for your willingness to help! Marge--Thanks for reading and commenting. Sunshine--You do keep me smiling and writing. Thank you for your encouragement and support. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Here's another lovely I've been remiss about... It looks like Pete has given you a good critique - He's great, isn't he? I enjoyed this lots, LR...  |
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