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Rictameter???
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Rictameter??? |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) 
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Heaven awoke On a clear summer day A step in step in time with mine Passing away as yellow fades to blue Wishing for a detain of time Carressing the moments As the clock ticks Always |
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| © Copyright 2003 Bridgette C. Morgan Schroeder - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Almost! the first line is the last line, too... Count is spot on! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
A step in step in time with mine what a beautiful line!  |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Very close and very nice. I like this. As Karilea said, the first and last line should be the same. They should also consist of a single two-syllable word, rather than two one-syllable words. Other than that, you've got it. |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
One day Heaven awoke On a clear summer day A step in step in time with mine Passing away as yellow fades to blue Wishing for a detain of time Carressing the moments As the clock ticks One day This would work if I just stick to the two syllables but, VL said the first and last word should just be a single word!!!! Balladeer that's my favorite line....Thanks for your comment!!!!  Sunshine and Vlraynes Thank You so much too!!!! I'm going to continue to work on this...... |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
JustBleu~ Hi gal ! Wonderful job ! Just wonderful ... keep working on doing more and more and more ! VICKY ! I see you !  Now get busy with that gazillion ricta-rhyme ! Tee-Hee ! *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ah...commitment! Gotta love it! |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
I enjoyed this and found perfection in the minor imperfection. I cast my vote with Balladeer on a splendid and very quotable great line: "A step in step in time with mine" Just asking for more of the same. Shenachie |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Heaven awoke On a clear summer hike A step in step in time with mine Passing away as yellow fades to blue Wishing for a detain of time Carressing the moments As the clock ticks Today Hmmmmm...... [This message has been edited by Justbleu (03-25-2003 02:02 AM).] |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
So you can improve on perfection! Outstanding! I enjoyed seeing you in class. Shenachie |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Today Fore summer's blush Crocus peek in spring's warmth And beckon tulips from repose Thence bounteous meadows of daffodils Florid entreat to summertide The cycle of rebirth All springing forth Today |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Nan.....that is sooo pretty!!!! Your poem captures springtime here in Oregon sooo well!!! I ride my bike to and from work everyday and the daffodils and tulips are beautiful right now!!!! Bridgette "Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown |
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