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Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

0 posted 2003-01-17 05:28 PM


Tis the time for falling snow flakes
of shovels, brooms and sturdy rakes.
Where voices ring in hearty cheer
of yet another gold New Year.

Where horses tow the silver sleigh
along the edge of water's way.
As couples scurry to and fro
to beat the blizzard's falling snow.

A time to speak resolutions
and thoughtfelt words of decision.
As fireworks crack and pop in glee
'pon the fall of a ball set free.

While winter blows in icy winds
and couples join to make amends
a moon will rise into the clear
of night as bells bring out a tear.




© Copyright 2003 Barry J. Tackett - All Rights Reserved
jjote
Senior Member
since 2002-12-25
Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2003-01-17 11:31 PM


I'm finding here mixed meters (or am I having 2 left feet again?)

"Tis the/ time for/ falling/ snow flakes
of shov/els, brooms/ and stur/dy rakes.
Where voi/ces ring in heart/y cheer
of yet/ ano/ther gold/en New/ Year.

(1st line are all DA-dums? stress on 1st word/syllable.)
Next 3 lines are da-DUMS, except "Year" has no pair - maybe that falls under another meter category, I forget the name--anarchic?..hehe.

Where horses tow the silver sleigh
along the edge of water's way.
As couples scurry to and fro
to beat the blizzard's falling snow.
(all da DUMS - 4 beats each line. Am I doing this right. Hope you bear with me for dissecting, I'm new at this, I'm stumbling too.)

A time/ to speak/ of res/o-lu/tions
and thought/felt words/ of de/cision.(?)
(or maybe, "of/de-ci/sion"?..and again the last syllable with no pair, another kind of meter, one that just stands alone??)

As fireworks crack and pop in glee
'pon the fall/ of a ball/ set free.
(the above line I read as da-da DUM/da-da-DUM/DUM-da?)
While winter blows in icy winds
and couples join to make amends
a moon will rise into the clear
of night as bells bring out a tear.
(I didn't lose a beat here, they're all da-DUMS.)

I hope Teach is reading this, and maybe I'll be illuminated.
I guess the holiday cheers mood is still with all of us. I also still want to write of snow and gifts and such. I'm glad you have it too - very soon, February and all the months will come, and we're back to the serious business of living.


Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
2 posted 2003-01-18 10:57 AM


Thanx for your input,  I should have already
done this,  but had failed to go back over
each line a second or third time.  Having
done so,  I found two lines where the meter
was not correct (nine count vs eight)...

Should read better now...

Thanx..

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
3 posted 2003-01-18 09:18 PM


Magnus,
Nice read. Took my tree down today( that's always sad) 800 lights, 500 plus ornaments.
Reading this almost made me want to put it back up again.
Doc

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
4 posted 2003-01-27 12:10 PM


We're concentrating more upon imagery than on meter this month, so I'm really looking more at your figurative language tnan your iambics... There are a couple of places where your syllable count is right, but the meter is still off a bit...

Your imagery is good... "another gold new year"... "the edge of water's way"... "fireworks crack and pop"..."winter blows in icy winds"... all good lines, m'friend...

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
5 posted 2003-01-27 11:01 PM


Hi Magnus!

I just totally enjoyed your poem. I share Doctor Moose's opinion of this one.  This Christmas season has been so special for me that I still have a few Christmas decorations left out--like holly on the mantel and the poinsettia by the fireplace.
Thanks for posting.

Shenachie

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