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Terza Rima I
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Terza Rima I |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
Terza Rima I ExStacy, southern belle with a Texas drawl, Pacific's echoing call, heard too well, Red-gold hair matching the Western sunfall. On the beach the seeker found many a shell, Concrete beds of the city king's hall Broke her until, chilled soul's tears fell. And the ravaging tyrants stood, a solid wall, Her imprisonment sealed with the sounding knell As the needles full prevented all withdrawal. The travelled days passed with only fruit to sell, Always inching closer, towards home she did crawl, Having little hope but great that it is to escape Hell. just warmin' up. i think I like this form.  |
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| © Copyright 2002 Zaheer Abbas Ali - All Rights Reserved | |||
Connel
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736Florida, USA |
Pretty nice poem.. But try putting a little bit more detial into your poem,.. I wish i could say more but i have to go. I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Good job, you seemed to stick to the rules. And acctualy, I disagree with Connel, i think that there is plenty of description in your peice. "Sticks and stones will break my bones, |
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Tammy Blessing Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 366PA |
I liked this piece! Thanks for joining in our little class. I'm sure you will be an inspirational addition. Tammy |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
thank you all for your comments. -majnu |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Hi majnu! Is Ex-Stacy a play on the word 'ectasy' or is that just me playing with your words? Anyway, I loved it. Shenachie |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
Shenachie, yes, i meant to imply both, that is why i did not hyphenate it. -majnu |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
It definitely looks like a Terza Rima, with a correct rhyme scheme, although I read somewhere (but forgot where LOL) Terza Rima is supposed to be written in iambic pentameter. Other than that, I cannot comment on your poem, as I'm just not "getting" it. It must be my Dutch mind, or perhaps I'm not reading very well tonight. Would you mind explaining it to me? And please feel free to criticize my entry as you please. I'd love to hear someone elses point of view. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
munda, i hesitate, but you asked: it is based on an article i read a year or so back about a girl from missouri to came to LA to be an actress. she had a tough time finding a job and was convinced to be in an adult flic to make her rent. she fell in with a bad crowd that got her drugged up and turned into a street walker; the crime bit was connected somehow with a couple city commissioners/councilmen. she eventually ran away and made her way across the country doing odd jobs and hooking till she got home. the article said she was in college and that she was one of the lucky ones. -majnu |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
In reading this piece, I did pick up on your innuendo and your metaphorical descriptions of a girl going to the "big city" to find her way to fame... only to fall by the wayside in her attempts. You theme is well developed. You've deviated from the norm in your meter, and your rhyme scheme incorporates only two distinct end rhymes. There's no reason why you can't take this license, of course... Nice job majnu.. |
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