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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Don't come visit in beet harvest time - Terza Rima |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands 
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Beet harvest time is the muddiest time The roads are all covered in clay I'll draw you a picture in this little rhyme It's raining almost every single day The mud on the streets turns slippery then And you have to drive careful I'd say The farmers work as fast as they can Sometimes they're loading trucks all night They'll sleep some time but can't say when It's harvest time but not a pretty sight And accidents happen real quick Don't take the beet harvest time too light They pile up the beets, make heaps real big And mud dripping off by the pouring rain Smashed up roadsides make me sick By getting angry I've nothing to gain I'm just a guest in this farmland here They earn a living and I won't complain I'll keep washing mud from clothes I fear And my car is gray instead of green So, don't visit me in beet harvest time, dear Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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| © Copyright 2002 Titia Geertman - All Rights Reserved | |||
majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
titia, i hate to be a pain, but in stanza 7, the first line does not rhyme with the third or with stanza 6 line 2. quick big <----- does not work. sick -majnu |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
You're saying that 'here' and 'fear' and 'dear' don't rhyme??  They pretty much have the same sound to me.Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow [This message has been edited by Titia Geertman (11-11-2002 08:23 PM).] |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
AAw Titia, you're not stupid  it was a wonderfull poem!"Sticks and stones will break my bones, |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Thanks Wind, like to think I'm a clever Dutchie LOL Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
titia, that is not what I am saying. this may be a matter of pronounciation. i pronounce the "g" in big as a hard g, the same sound I use in garden. the hard g does not rhyme with ck, otherwise clock would rhyme with clog, which it obviously does not. -majnu -------------------------------------- Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet. [This message has been edited by majnu (11-11-2002 10:38 PM).] |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Titia, this looks like a wonderful Terza Rima to me. You did great, as always. |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Yes Majnu, that could very well be possible, because English is my second language and I may pronounce it in a different way. You got me confused because you mentioned stanza 7 and 6 instead of 5 and 4 LOL Thanks, Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Tammy Blessing Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 366PA |
I agree about some of the rhyming, but that is neither here nor there. The fact is I think this is a GREAT poem and I can actually visualize what you go through during beet harvest time. Thanks for the info Tita! Tammy |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Hi Titia! I've never seen beets harvested and I grew up on a farm... So this was an interesting subject for me. I had a suggestion for the following line: 'They pile up the beets, make heaps real big' How about: They heap up the beets, make piles real thick This was such an excellent description of the hard work and round the clock focus of any type of harvest. I enjoyed the read. You're such a great classmate! Guess I need to attempt a terza rima and catch up with the class. Wish me luck! Shenachie [This message has been edited by Bridget Shenachie (11-14-2002 10:13 AM).] |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Shenachie, I thought of 'thick' but didn't know if that was right. Well it's too late to change it now anyway. This is class and I'm a Dutchie, I'm supposed to make mistakes LOL Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Eek! We're supposed to make mistakes? (Us Dutchies) LOL I do try my very hardest not to!  Therefore I have to agree with Majnu on your rhyme. Big and sick are not a good rhyme. You could compare it with coat and goat. Although these rhyme perfect, pronounced wrong, you'd turn a goat into a coat and vise versa, unless your goat wears a coat of course. Other than that... I really enjoyed your beet harvest! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Thick does rhyme with sick and quick. It'd be a better match than 'big' for sure. You can make a poem of just about anything, Titia. This is great. I don't like beets much, but I do enjoy reading your work...  |
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