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Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

0 posted 2002-08-17 09:06 PM

If the patterns of the past begin again
are we "to the mast"
as "captives", truly bound?
This is what I'd ask of you,
a long time friend,
for you're one of few whose answers I have found,
to bring light...
where there is gloom,
on troubled days.
When there seems no room for understanding why,
you ask nothing in return,
that's not your way.
My respect, you've earned, for helping me to try,
to undo the knots which hold me to this place.
Breaking from the fold
of all my past mistakes.
Showing me
that I can fill that empty space!
If I lend my will to yours
for both our sakes,
if the patterns of the past begin again,
guide my thoughts,
un-fasten me,
my trusted friend.

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (08-17-2002 09:34 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-08-18 12:12 PM

Oh yes, an apt pupil, you!

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2002-08-19 12:44 PM

Gosh Doc, this has an almost metaphysical feel to it for some reason that I can't explain. I also can't really explain why but I really liked it.

Thanks,
Pete

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

3 posted 2002-08-24 05:47 PM

quote:
If the patterns of the past begin again
are we "to the mast" as "captives", truly bound?
This is what I'd ask of you, a long time friend,
for you're one of few whose answers I have found,
to bring light... where there is gloom,on troubled days.
When there seems no room for understanding why,
you ask nothing in return, that's not your way.
My respect, you've earned, for helping me to try,
to undo the knots which hold me to this place.
Breaking from the fold of all my past mistakes.
Showing me that I can fill that empty space!
If I lend my will to yours for both our sakes,
if the patterns of the past begin again,
guide my thoughts, un-fasten me, my trusted friend.

A snip here, a paste there ... hmmmm.

Nice job, Dr. Moose ... I get your point. Well done.

Jim

P.S. By the way ... nice sonnet.

[This message has been edited by jbouder (08-24-2002 05:48 PM).]

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

4 posted 2002-08-25 08:47 AM

Sunshine,
Thanks , but it appears I have been found out thanks to Jim.

Pete,
I don't know about the metaphysical part,
but I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway.

Jim,
You have seen through my disguise quite accurately, although technically not a sonnet
( eleven syllables per line incorporating
an alternating internal ryhme scheme along with the end rhymes). Your re-write is the way I originally wrote it, I then moved things around to emphasize certain words.I really wasn't trying to pass this off as free verse, but , in the absense of rules, as more of an interesting exercise. Thanks.
Doc

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

5 posted 2002-08-25 02:00 PM

What's up Doc?

It was a good disguise, by the way. I just have this pesky aptitude in discerning patterns and I heard the rhyme and meter quite clearly in my first read.

I really enjoyed the way the sonnet was written (it is still a sonnet, in my opinion, even if you did take some liberties with the conventions of sonneteering ... really ... is a sonnet disguised with moose horns not a sonnet anymore?).

Recognizing the poem as a chopped up sonnet permits your first lines, "If the patterns of the past begin again / are we 'to the mast' / as 'captives', truly bound?", to cry out "NO!!!" in response to the question posed. The subject matter, the line breaks, and the simple fact that this poem, written differently, could pass as a more classical style of poetry makes this poem much more satisfying to the reader than if you had chosen to keep it the way you first wrote it. In this case, I would argue that you increased the effectiveness of the poem by breaking from convention even moreso than you did in the first place. That is why I believe this is such a strong offering.

Pete:

NOW I think you should realize why you liked the poem so much ... you old anachronism you.

One of these days I'm going to break you of your aversion to writing free-verse. I still remember the poem you wrote about your dog ... and how long ago was that?

You have a stronger appreciation and proficiency with sound now, Pete ... why not explore what I know you can do with it?

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

6 posted 2002-08-25 02:08 PM

Jim and Dr. Moose, My hat's off to both of you. Dr, Moose for your clever "free sonnet", most superbly done. But please don't ever play scrabble with JIm.
I think you're both wonderful
Liz

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

7 posted 2002-08-25 09:18 PM

I do believe that this is the first time I have ever seen a sonnet done in free verse...
excellent work, Doc...

~ hugs in free verse

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

8 posted 2002-08-28 11:27 PM

Perhaps we could open a new chapter of "Sonnets Anonymous" for those of us who just can't help slipping back into metered and 'Patterned' poetry, eh?

I enjoyed, Sir Moose..

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