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Forgotten Memories ( Free Verse No Verse Here Goes Nothing )
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Forgotten Memories ( Free Verse No Verse Here Goes Nothing ) |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States 
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Forgotten Memories By: Paul Wilson Visions I try to remember from years gone by or were they from yesterday? Pictures in the kaleidoscope of my mind Clear and sharp But never well defined A young child runs free In and out of this picture being displayed in my mind Where does he come from? Who is this child? He plays hide and seek Just like my memories play with my mind I try to speak But words won’t come I try to run To catch him if I can But my legs won’t move Laughing Louder and louder As he runs away and back again Why does he tease me? What does he want? Come play with me he says Come be my friend Suddenly My whole word begins to shake More and more Then I hear momma saying Wake up sleep head It’s a new day I try to recall What I just forgot Before it slips away I wipe the sleep from my eyes And lay back down I try to remember my dream But my mind won’t let me return to this place I have just departed from This wonderful dream world of a four year old |
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| © Copyright 2002 Paul D. Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
That's a beautiful free verse Paul, like it very much. In my opinion I think free verses show best when not centered. _________________________ Visions I try to remember from years gone by or were they from yesterday? Pictures in the kaleidoscope of my mind Clear and sharp But never well defined A young child runs free In and out of this picture being displayed in my mind Where does he come from? Who is this child? He plays hide and seek Just like my memories play with my mind I try to speak But words won’t come I try to run To catch him if I can But my legs won’t move Laughing Louder and louder As he runs away and back again Why does he tease me? What does he want? Come play with me he says Come be my friend Suddenly My whole word begins to shake More and more Then I hear momma saying Wake up sleep head It’s a new day I try to recall What I just forgot Before it slips away I wipe the sleep from my eyes And lay back down I try to remember my dream But my mind won’t let me return to this place I have just departed from This wonderful dream world of a four year old ________________________ You keep them coming man,  Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Free verse most certainly isn't my forte, but I like how it reads and also what it says.  |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Paul... I really like your poem, Its excellent... I am not really good at critiquing poetry, but I did see some parts that I would do a little differently, which might make it read a bit smoother... Please keep in mind that this is just my personal opinion and I am not necessarily steering you in the right direction... So I have pasted your poem into my reply, and put my changes into it... This is not meant as a re-write...I just don't know any other way of doing it. Visions I try to remember from years gone by or were they from yesterday? kaliedoscope pictures Clear and sharp But never well defined A young child runs free In and out of these pictures Where does he come from? Who is this child? He plays hide and seek Just like my memories play with my mind I try to speak But words won’t come I try to run To catch him But my legs won’t move Laughing loudly he runs away and back again Why does he tease me? What does he want? Come play with me he says be my friend Suddenly My whole word begins to shake and I hear momma saying Wake up sleep head It’s a new day I try to recall just What I forgot Before it slips away I wipe the sleep from my eyes And lay back down I try to remember my dream But my mind won’t let me return to this place I have just departed This wonderful dream world of a four year old I hope this helps a bit...and I hope I didn't overstep my bounds... It really is an excellent poem, Paul  ~ hugs from an obnoxious chipmunk friendLyra |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Titia... Thank you so very much for reading. Thank you for the suggestion on not centering free verse. As of a week ago I didn't even know what free verse was... Paul Munda... Thanks for the reply. This was my first attempt at free verse. I am still trying to learn it... Paul Lyra... Your kind comments and ideas are always welcome. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me try to learn how to write, because I haven't a clue. All I do is write down thoughts that pass through my mind.Thank you Lyra for helping me. You can re-write for me anytime... Paul |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well Paul, I don't know anything about free verse so I can't offer any advice. I can say that you reached me though. I'm pretty sure I have had that exact same dream. I can't be completely sure though since I forgot much of it after waking up. Thanks, Pete |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Hi Paul! Your theme was excellent for free verse. I enjoyed your poem and remember my own dream memories of childhood. Thanks for sharing! Shenachie |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Bridget... Thank You kind lady for your reply. I often find my mind drifting back to my youth when I write. I'm glad you took the time to read. Thanks Again...Paul |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is a wonderful theme, indeed... Your thoughts and dreams stream through this piece nicely, and take your reader to another place - exactly what you intended, I'm sure... It's nice to have you here in the workshop, Paul... |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Nan... Thank you for the kind reply. Yes I was trying to capture the make believe world of a 4 year old and the imaginary playmates they sometime have... Paul |
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