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Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

0 posted 2002-08-08 11:51 PM

Okay......here is my first turn in for class. Don't hold back one bit. I NEED an "A" in this class desperately. Yeah, I know the title sort of sounds "cutesy" but hey........they do taste good.

Kiwi Kisses

Fingertips ...
skating pirouettes
in silence
of trails in blaze
across valleys
lost ...
between kiwi kisses
in passionate pouting sighs

Beckonings sold
in whispers chained silent
against the horizon rail
as the day
dips it's toes
into the bath of night
~blushing~
in the warmth of love
as it sets against the arms of two
lost in tranquil unity
in the front row
of nature's lullaby

Shared shoulder to cheek
in comfort's embrace
between spined arches
~traced~
in flights of gaze
and silent promises
cast to constellations of applause
upon these dunes of stage
where tomorrow's encore
shall find us
front rowed once more
in concert
of kiwi kisses

Mark Christopher

[This message has been edited by Mark Bohannan (08-09-2002 01:50 AM).]

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

1 posted 2002-08-09 06:53 PM

silent promises
cast to constellations of applause
upon these dunes of stage
where tomorrow's encore
shall find us
front rowed once more
in concert""

I just love this!!

Mark~

Id give you an "A" everytime....you and your words of romance are priceless...

I dont care too much for kiwi, so I threw in the word peach...

all in all this makes for a yummy piece....

Lauren~

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind pretend I am weightless and in this moment I am happy

[This message has been edited by Greeneyes (08-09-2002 06:54 PM).]

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

2 posted 2002-08-09 08:50 PM

Well...being from kiwi-land I kind of had to come in, if only to mention that I read the title and could only think of being kissed by one of our native birds, or an actual kiwi fruit - which are quite fuzzy ~giggle~

er...sorry

but as to the poem...some nice moments in here...some very nice moments..

K

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

3 posted 2002-08-10 09:37 PM

I agree with Kamla. Nice moments. Clear, vivid expressiveness. A very nice read.

Jim

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

4 posted 2002-08-12 04:07 PM

Lauren-Thank you so much. Coming from a great poet of free-verse such as yourself I hold alot into what you have to say and if peaches works for you then be my guest but you may change your mind when you find out what the metaphor for kiwi kisses is.

(hint....no taste, no touch, just sight)

Severn-Thank you so much and being a huge admirer of your land I can appreciate why you love it so much there. It is always a pleasure to have your input.

Jim- If you found them clear and vivid then I am happy. Thank you kind sir.

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

5 posted 2002-08-16 05:14 PM

If I would ever write a free verse as good as yours, I'd be one happy damsel! You're surely kidding uh? First try?

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

6 posted 2002-08-16 07:57 PM

Munda-ROFL......NO not the first try at free-verse at all, BUT it is my first one for class and I DON'T write too many as I am not comfortable at it. I am in here to learn the ins and outs of writing GOOD free-verse. Rhyme is sort of stuck in me, actually to be truthful....I get upset if my lines don't match in length on my rhymes. LOL I know......I have been told many times. Seriously, thank you for the wonderful comments and now we only have to see what teach has to say ...... you know, line breaks, imagery, assonance, etc..., but hey, that is why I am in here. Thanks again.

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

7 posted 2002-08-16 11:07 PM

I think you've done a beautiful job with this one, Mark...
I remember reading it in open 21 and loving it then...
Someone once told me...at another website, that we weren't supposed to use those dots in poetry. I use them a lot in spite of that advice.
And I know what you mean by being stuck in rhyme... its like a disease...
I have the same problem and when I want to write free verse, I literally have to force myself not to rhyme...

So now that we are all present in this class...
where is the teacher?

~ free verse chipmunk hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

8 posted 2002-08-27 09:52 AM

Teacher? There's a teacher in this class? You guys are all the teachers - and I learn a lot - Believe me!

This is really good, Mark - You've penned some lovely visages here..

"Fingertips ...
skating pirouettes
in silence
of trails in blaze
across valleys
lost ..."

nice metaphor - and it sets the mood beautifully..

"between kiwi kisses
in passionate pouting sighs"

I love kiwi - and the pouting sighs..

"Beckonings sold
in whispers chained silent
against the horizon rail
as the day
dips it's toes
into the bath of night"

More great metaphor with a nice touch of personification...

"~blushing~
in the warmth of love
as it sets against the arms of two
lost in tranquil unity
in the front row
of nature's lullaby"

perfectly personified vision.. metaphorically

"Shared shoulder to cheek
in comfort's embrace
between spined arches
~traced~
in flights of gaze
and silent promises
cast to constellations of applause
upon these dunes of stage
where tomorrow's encore
shall find us
front rowed once more
in concert
of kiwi kisses"

... etc, etc... You've done a great job here, m'friend - I enjoyed this one lots..

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

9 posted 2002-08-27 02:26 PM

Mark-
May I just say, WOW?!
This is absolutely gorgeous, my friend.
I had forgotten how much I enjoy reading you.
I'm also sitting here in envy of that pic!
This is the first time I've seen it, and I am
SOOOOOOOO JEALOUS!
Do you have ANY idea just how much I adore tigers?
I love them to pieces...especially white ones,
but I love ALL of them, and would give anything
to be able to cuddle with one.
I fed a white tiger once...through a chainlink fence.
That just wasn't good enough. LOL.
Anyway...enough about the pic...except to say
that it's good to 'see' you, my friend.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

10 posted 2002-08-28 04:55 AM

Love the sweet sensuality of your poem. Kiwi kisses says it well. Great title for an excellent poem. What Nan said!

Enjoyed!

Shenachie

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