August Exercise... free as a verse (or is it worse?)

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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2002-08-06 03:59 AM

are there rules to follow
to fall in Love -- then to fall out
to live a life
make life alive

if there are rules,
who makes them
who decides

and do they follow their own
or do they make their ‘new’ paths

(most of my days
and most of my nights
are spent debating
with light and shadows
if only to figure out
what makes some tick
and what ticks the rest
and that sometimes ticks me off
like seconds flying into minutes
like big bad jets diving
into wide clouds
bursting through my space
at their phenomenal pace
leving me behind to
play 'catch-up')

and if there are rules
and if there are those who make them
I wonder which tree they sit upon
and how tall do they sit above the ground
if only to gauge
what makes them make me feel so small
in their book of rules
in their pages of life
metered and rhymed
as I sing in the sounds of almost
like an also-ran in the race
just to make up the numbers
and to annoy...

I wonder where they hang about
and where do they drink their water from

Even free verse is not so free anymore
maybe odd ones are
not entirely
tied

(maybe I am drinking the wrong water)

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

1 posted 2002-08-06 11:39 PM

Hello Sudhir Iyer!

Enjoyed your poem.  This is a work of very well-expressed angst.  I find myself wondering if I'm breaking some rule, especially if I'm enjoying myself.  I just live with the consequences.  What other recourse is there?

I think that I would prefer a glass of wine.

You see that your poem was very thought provoking.  Your imagery is superb.

Shenachie

[This message has been edited by Bridget Shenachie (08-06-2002 11:42 PM).]

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

2 posted 2002-08-07 03:16 AM

Thank you Shenachie, for coming by and for your very appreciative words...

Regards,
Sudhir
P.S. A glass of wine each day is considered healthy

but just one

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2002-08-07 05:22 PM

Hi Sudhir,

Haven't seen you around much lately. Where ya been? This really reads nice. The words just seem to fall off the tongue. It's sort of like an enjoyable rant, if you know what I mean. I really liked it.

Thanks,
Pete

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

4 posted 2002-08-07 05:42 PM

I think it's just plain beautiful, period.

You've done well Sudhir, now come out to play in the sandbox with me, Marge and Doc

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

5 posted 2002-08-09 01:34 AM

I have to admit......being in the same classroom with you for a lesson in free-verse makes me feel a bit like the class dummy.

You must be the assistant teacher right? There is nothing I can say about your poem to help you get better because I don't see where you ever needed improvement. You sir are a classic waiting for the print to come your way. Very much enjoyed this piece as I do all of yours. Water??????? I think not.......I do believe you drink of the finest of wines (red "good for the heart"). I bow to you as I reach for the dunce cap.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

6 posted 2002-08-09 02:50 PM

Sudhir~

'(most of my days
and most of my nights
are spent debating
with light and shadows
if only to figure out
what makes some tick
and what ticks the rest
and that sometimes ticks me off'

Priceless !!!
Wonderful chalk on the board~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
[email protected]

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

7 posted 2002-08-09 06:50 PM

This is very lovely sir!! wonderful images, I enjoyed this...

Lauren~

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind pretend I am weightless and in this moment I am happy

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

8 posted 2002-08-12 06:01 AM

Pete, thanks a lot, my friend, for coming by and letting me know you liked

Titia, thanks a lot... where is the sandbox?

Mark, you are not a dummy... My friend, your support of my writing has been tremendous and uplifting... thanks a lot

Marge, you are priceless... thanks

Lauren, thanks very much...

Regards to all,
sudhir

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

9 posted 2002-08-23 08:04 PM

I like your theme, Sudhir... Who's making the rules, anyway? Why should we follow them? What's the benefit for us?

I also like your flow of syntax - You go from one thought to the next with the twist of a word - but still maintain your theme...

Nicely done..

You ask some good metaphorical questions, m'friend... and - perhaps with the world in such chaos, this is a good time for such questions...

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-05

Posts 8296
Michigan

10 posted 2002-08-24 06:14 PM

Thanks for sharing this with us, Sudhir...
I completely agree with you...
and the hard thing to get used to about free verse is the supposed lack of rules...
As I write, I keep thinking that I must be violating one somewhere...
Hey...it was a great poem...

~ hugs from an unruly chipmunk

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

11 posted 2002-09-03 07:35 AM

Thank you very much, Nancy and Lyra...

I tried

Regards,
Sudhir

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