Nan, please check this. - pipTalk Forums

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Poetry Workshop

Nan, please check this.

Ohme
Senior Member

since 1999-07-17

Posts 816
Texas

0 posted 1999-11-11 10:31 AM

Nan, I know class is almost over but I wanted to try an Italian Sonnet. I am about half way finished but not sure of the ta DUM.

The bright yellow flowers covered the ground
running from valley to top of the hill
rythmecally swaying the bright daffodill
dances to music that utters no sound.

I almost believe lines 1,2, and 4 are ok. I question line 3. What do you think? If ok, I will continue and try to be finished on time. If not ok, I will finish and post at open 4 and not call it a sonnet. Thanks.

Lorene

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

1 posted 1999-11-11 12:02 PM

The bright yellow flowers covered the ground
running from valley to top of the hill
rythmecally swaying the bright daffodill
dances to music that utters no sound.

Hehe....This is pretty good anapestic stuff - Let's see if we can iambize it...

The yellow flowers brightly cover ground
From valleys running to the tops of hills
In rythmic sway the sunny daffodills
All dance to music uttering no sound.

Ya think???

Ohme
Senior Member

since 1999-07-17

Posts 816
Texas

2 posted 1999-11-11 12:24 PM

ooh, That's diffrent. Ok. must give it a shot. Thanks.

___________
Lorene

Ohme
Senior Member

since 1999-07-17

Posts 816
Texas

3 posted 1999-11-11 11:08 PM

Nan, I looked up anapestic which led me to look up some more words. Now the best I can say is Huh?

Did you say it was or was not pretty good as is? And what is it? DUH!

Thanks, Still trying to figure out a perfect ta DUM.

Lorene

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