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After some magic from Kess...English Sonnet
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After some magic from Kess...English Sonnet |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Farewell to night I'm flying on illusion's mighty wings, Far higher than the eagle ever flies, Above intrusion by all earthly things, Aloft on dreams until the darkness dies. My castle built on clouds that number nine, Enlightenment through touch of Angel’s wing, A tarriance with Spirits so divine That fills my soul with love, and makes it sing. Ethereal awareness fills my heart, With eyes afire, I gaze upon the Moon, To Mother Earth and heaven's starry yard; And hope my dreamer's path won’t end too soon. With dewdrop tears, I greet the dawn's first light -- Embracing day, I bid farewell to night. [This message has been edited by Munda (edited 11-11-1999).] [This message has been edited by Munda (edited 11-13-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Munda - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
For the record, I just want everyone to know that I actually had very little to do with developing the part of this poem that really counts -- the theme. Munda came up with that all on her own; all I did was tweak the meter to fit the prescribed form. In all the ways that matter, this poem is Munda's work. And what's more, she said she learned a bit about what's expected from this revision, and has promised to try one on her own soon!  Munda, as for the small part I played in this -- the pleasure was all mine. You gave me nothing but beautiful phrases and ideas to work with. Thank you! --Kess |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Nice job, Munda - and you had some pretty good coaching too... I'm happy to see more interaction and mutual support here - The sonnet seems to be a favorite all around, eh?? I guess I'm not the only one... I certainly don't want to make any suggestions on your meter - You've da-DUMMed quite nicely now... That has to be really difficult when your primary language isn't English - (LOL - It's hard enough for some of us who speak it daily). I know that if I were to attempt it in Dutch, I'd be da-DUMBING all over the place... Your rhyme scheme is perfect, and your theme really develops nicely. The only changes I might suggest at this point, are to spell "Enlightenment" properly, and to make the possessive "heaven's starry yard" rather than the way it's written here. I have no problem with stanza breaks/non-breaks as you see fit.... I like it, Munda!! I like it!! |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
From a person who is partial to sonnets... Bravo.. well done.... |
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
Munda, I think this is beautiful. ---------- Lorene |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Well done Munda |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Thanks Nan, I really had a great coach : ) I even understand the da-Dum now, I think. ; )Guess I have to prove that to myself with another sonnet. Are you sure you don't want to try something in Dutch ? ; ) Mike, Ohme, Hoot.........thank you. : ) I guess this one is ready for open#4. Skyfire....no matter what you say....a special thanks to you. : ) |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
A fine job here. A few of the lines I liked: "Aloft on dreams until the darkness dies" and "A tarriance with Spirits so divine" One little detail, though; line 12 should have the possessive form "dreamer's" I look forward to your next attempt. Nocht |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Great job, Munda. I love the line with dewdrop tears. |
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