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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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To Have Never Loved |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA 
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(Sorry, late again. This may look fimilar Nan, only I think I have it as a true sonnet this time...crosses her fingers.) To Have Never Loved ‘Tis better to have loved and lost they say Than never to have known true love at all But I, who’ve watched love quickly slip away Would rather not have taken that cruel fall O'er many loves, those tears of loss I've cried But those be mild, and darling, oh so few Compared to when, my love, you up and died And took my broken heart along with you So now, I live here lost inside my pain Your memories are only in my mind I’ll never feel true love like ours again My heart is gone, this shell is left behind And to the grave my voice will surely call ‘Tis better to have never loved at all ------------------ Alis volat propriis [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 11-11-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ohme Senior Member
since 1999-07-17
Posts 816Texas |
This is so sad.  But it looks, reads and sounds like a sonnet to me.  . |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Ruth, my dear, you have made me cry and smile at the same time with this one. 'Tis truly a work of art. I have but one suggestion: line 5 is, in fact, pentameter, but not iambic, and it throws off the otherwise perfect rhythm. Might I advise that you change it to something like: "O'er many loves, those tears of loss I've cried" Not exactly a stellar line, I'm afraid, but it repairs the rhythm. Again, well done! --Kess |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Kess...thanks for the suggestion, as you can see, it was well heeded. Ohme....thank you ------------------ Alis volat propriis (She flies with her own wings) |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Hoot....so beautiful ! : ) |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Thanks Munda Still waiting for Nans opinion ------------------ Alis volat propriis (She flies with her own wings) |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
This is very well done hoot and beautiful. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
A most excellent sonnet you have written here, hoot. The meter and rhyme scheme are perfect; the theme is well-developed and the final couplet summarizes your theme well. I did, however, stumble over one line: not because of meter, but lack of punctuation. Line 6 is rather confusing to read without punctuation; I assume you wish it to read "But those be mild, and darling, oh so few;" (You address the reader as darling) However, when I first read it, I read it as "But those be mild and darling -- oh so few" (You refer to the tears as darling) Perhaps I simply have a strange way of reading this ... but I just thought I would point it out. Before I close I feel compelled to mention that I love your finishing couplet; that is always the part of the sonnet that is most remembered, and you have penned a most memorable one here. Well done. Nocht |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Wow Nocht, thank you for the wonderful comments...I can see your point in the line you mentioned Marie...thanks a bunch |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Simply beautiful, Ruth! I certainly can not find anything wrong. Lovely! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Ruth, you do much too good a job for me to have to touch your meter or rhyme scheme. You also develop your theme nicely and use some metaphorical verses quite adeptly. What's to criticize?... One thing you've done that I like to see, is that you used the refrain as your title. That's a very effective tool to a well-developed theme. Start with a title, work your poem around it, and wrap up with it again in the last line... Nicely done, of course, my friend..... |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Thank you Nan |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
This is a beautiful sonnet, Ruth. Beautiful and tragic. Very well done. ------------------ Jim "If I rest, I rust." -Martin Luther |
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