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Ok, here goes
| Poetry Workshop |
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Ok, here goes |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida 
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Though pain and strife will never cease And often cause my heart to burn The strengths I gain in life increase In them I find a sense of peace |
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| © Copyright 1999 Nicole Williams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Well the flow is good as is the rhyming scheme. The syllable count is well done and the theme is sound. I see nothing wrong with this quatrain. I am so new to this I wouldn't be able to see it even if there was something off...LOL. Ergo the tutorial from Nan. Great start! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
...any more comments???  |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I think this is a terrific start...am looking to see more of this one. The meter works, the rhyme is good and so is thr rhythm....I like! ------------------ Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well, agreed on rhyme and meter, but have a suggestion: Fourth line: Starting with "in," may prove difficult, a suggestion would be to change it to something easier to repeat...unless you meant for it to be that way, in which case just ignore me! |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Well, Satiate, I counted out the beats several times, in several accents, out-loud and quiet-like, and found no discrepancies. Wonderful start. Alicat |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is great - a perfect starter quatrain. You may want to make some minor adjustments when you're doing the construction of your poem - but don't think of that till then... I like it... |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Very intriguing ... I have never seen a villanelle with this sort of theme ... it will truly be one of a kind, just like you. Nocht |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
I agrre will all stated above, I also like the third line ending with a two syllable word...this seems to add to the flow (to me anyway). ------------------ Michael Anderson When God puts a tear in your eye, He puts a rainbow in your heart. |
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