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My Turn |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA 
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Eyes opened in his sight Her soul released, set free Drawn to her love's sweet light She spreads her wings in flight ------------------ Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-05-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well ruth, I am giving this my honest evaluatin, and find I have nothing critical to say! And add that I think your lines are beautiful! |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Well I think this is iambic trimeter...I am so bad at this yet. This is the first formal training I ever had. The rhyming is wonderful and it flows beautifully. The theme is wonderful. That is all I can say. Great job Hoot. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I like it, Ruth - but then I always like your work. It is iambic trimeter - You're right Marilyn - and it's intact, along with the rhyme scheme - Your final two lines will be good ones for repetitions as well... p.s. - "loves" should maybe be "love's"? |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Thanks Nan, correcting that now |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
OK, stupid question from the woman who perfected them ... What do you mean by the first line..? That it is his opinion that her eyes are opened, that her proverbial eyes didn't open till he saw her, or that she is standing there with him with her eyes open..? The rest is beautiful, as usual ... so is the first line, but it just baffles this poor simple gal ... Nocht |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
I likes, I thinks I really do. ------------------ Michael Anderson When God puts a tear in your eye, He puts a rainbow in your heart. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Nocht....more like....she was blind until she met him, hadn't truly seen before him...make any sense now?? |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
....bzzzt ... bzzzzt .... (that was my dim little 'a-ha!' light bulb flickering) Thanks for the explanation, hoot ... makes much more sense now ... Nocht |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Ohhh..I like this. I'm excited to see where you take it. |
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