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Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

0 posted 2002-03-24 12:23 PM

As willful hands control momentums' pace
staid thoughts of reason often turn to rhyme.
To fill the emptiness of each small space
remains no obstacle of height to climb.

Staid thoughts of reason often turn to rhyme,
though tenuous ones' grasp of what's ahead.
Remains no obstacle of height to climb
as drudgery's overcome, forge on instead.

Though tenuous ones' grasp of what's ahead,
may find some path revealed by melting snow.
As drudgery's overcome, forge on instead,
each step is of itself a new plateau.

May find some path revealed by melting snow
where ice, which grips like fear, shall slough away.
Each step is of itself a new plateau
of confidence to speed you on your way.

Where ice, which grips like fear, shall slough away.
As risen from the depths you reach new gound
of confidence to speed you on your way,
therein perhaps may comfort now be found.

As risen from the depths you reach new ground
to fill the emptiness of each small space.
Therein perhaps may comfort now be found
as willful hands control momentums' pace

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

1 posted 2002-03-24 04:16 PM

Great theme! Out of the depths to creativity!

I'm not qualified to comment on form, but this looks great to me!

Thanks for sharing! Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to make life good.

Shenachie

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

2 posted 2002-03-26 07:46 PM

Bridget,
Thanks for the reply. Pantoums (I would have to say) are by far the most difficult format
I have tried. I'd like to think that I understand the concept, but (to me)it seems like way too much repitition. In all probability that is because I can't seem to find the sheer strength of subject matter to carry one off. The word "drudgery" did not appear by chance. Thanks again.
Doc

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2002-03-27 09:26 AM

Yeah Doc, I think you're right. Too much repetition just makes it too hard to maintain a theme and keep the whole thing interesting while still employing proper grammar (at least within poetic license). Could be that's why Nan made us do it this time huh?

Nice job.

Pete

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2002-03-27 10:07 AM

I know one thing about pantoums...it makes you think your words TWICE!!!!!

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 2002-04-01 07:07 AM

Well then - You surely managed to carry your theme through, in spite of the drudgery..

Your format is fine - You've done your usual best, m'friend... Drudgery in repetition, you say?? HM... Mayhaps we should set your sights upon a sestina next??

...Biting my tongue here..

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

6 posted 2002-04-01 08:10 AM

Doc, I like it

Titia

A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess...
Check out my new website: lookheretitia.fcpages.com (I didn't 'link' this, so it won't take too much space).I

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