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A bad attempt at a pantoum
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A bad attempt at a pantoum |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Ok, I guess I won't pass this course after all. I started out trying to write a pantoum and this is what came out. Yes, the title was inspired by an absolutely awesome poem by Skyfyre a year or so ago in Open #5, titled "Casting Shadows." When you have a minute it would well worthwhile to go read it. Well, it does take more than just a minute. Ok, now I'll go on over and sit in the corner. Where is that funny pointed hat? Maybe Kit can modify the "birthday" smilie to make one. (BTW, I guess you really had to be there.) Shadows That We Cast (Or The '60s) With reckless zeal and vain intent we sought Our self-indulgent goals because we thought We wanted fortune, yes and even fame, Yet rose to nothing but a faceless name, And faded reminiscence of the past Is what remains of shadows that we cast. Rebellious in our plans and ways we cast Ourselves upon ourselves because we sought To cheaply learn the wisdom of the past, Of prophets and of poets, with no thought To what might be the impact on our name Or bring about the downfall of our fame. As often true, that fruitless search for fame Was always doomed to failure for the cast Of players on a stage without a name, The non-conforming innocents who sought To get but never give and only thought Of hedonistic dreams, without a past. With disregard for lessons of the past, The circumstance that might engender fame Is hard to realize, but still we thought We knew the answers to the quest and cast Our lot among the masses as we sought The resolution of, "What is our name?" What value is the making of a name For now or time to come without a past? The key was left for us by those who sought Before, who won and lost and claimed their fame And fortune earned. But their success was cast By accident or luck . . . or so we thought. And what's the worth of independent thought If squandered by the thinkers in the name Of righteous non-conformance as they cast Their doubts upon the visage of the past? There's precious little chance of gaining fame For such as us but something must be sought. And thus we sought no secrets from the past, To make a name or have an hour of fame, With little thought for shadows that we cast. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'm crazy enough to be certifiable, but will allow the fact that you played with the last words in pantoum style but in the few minutes I've taken to look it over, I think you may be off a line or two...or was it just my mind hinging on the leftover smoke of the '60's? Any "Attempt" gets an A in my book....even a self-proclaimed bad attempt...lol...hugs... |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
But a darned good Sestina it is! That is, if I remember it correctly, since I never had the guts to even try one of those. Heck, reading yours I don't think I'll ever get that brave. *** Note for the teacher*** Just in case I am terribly mistaken and this beauty isn't a Sestina, what is it? A Pantina? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
LOL - I knew you'd catch that one, Munda... Pete - This is the WORST pantoum I've ever seen. It might be one of the BEST sestinas, however...  Pete's right about one thing, though - Skyfyre/Linda is one of the best - Her work is exemplary. This is really great, btw, Pete...  |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
LOL, Thanks Munda, I think I like the idea of a pantina. I don't know if Nan will go for it though. Thanks ladies. Now I think you have me embarrassed enough to have another go at it. I'll try to come back tomorrow with a proper offering. Maybe I can get out of the corner then. Oh, BTW, I had to come back to add that the poem by Skyfyre was a DOUBLE SESTINA. That's 12 stanzas of 12 lines each, all following a pattern similar to this. Unbelievable. Pete Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (03-23-2002 04:12 PM).] |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Dear Not, Leave it to you to use a form that is more difficult than a pantoum! I really liked your poem and the splendid commentary on the sixties. Hope to see more of your poems and great subjects. Shenachie |
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Casidy Junior Member
since 2002-01-27
Posts 36The Heart of Texas |
WOW... The way you carried the theme in this one is incredible... I took a bit and sorta broke it down on paper, for a deeper look at the lines and meanings... and I really liked this... such a lovely twist on the theme... done very well. More of your work please. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Bridget and Casidy, Thank you so much for your kind comments. Thanks to the coaxing of all you wonderfull folks in here, I finally did make an attempt at rewriting this as a pantoum and just submitted it a few minutes ago. I don't think it works nearly as well but I just couldn't seem to do any better. Thanks again, Pete |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Pete, Pantina, sestoum, either way it's a darn fine write. As one who usually tries to pawn off imitations in place of the real thing, I say,"to heck with the rules". Doc |
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