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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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A home without a wall, |
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| Poetry Workshop |
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Senryus...by Max |
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Prairie Inkwells Junior Member
since 2002-02-04
Posts 13Kansas |
Senryus ... by Max *** Wisdom climbs ladders Stone wall becomes wailing wall Wariness prevails *** Limits of desire Is the bulwark of freedom Who is the author *** Max is one of the members with Prairie Inkwells who has really taken to Haiku and Senryu. He would like to have some feedback if you have time! Thanks! Sunshine [This message has been edited by Prairie Inkwells (02-05-2002 12:20 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Prairie Inkwells - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
I am fairly new to this.... but anyway, my opinions... I liked them both content wise, they seem to be strong... The only thing that stood out was in the first senryu, the word wall is repeated twice in the second line... sort of stands out... if one of them is made redundant, the effect might become stronger... just my opinion... Regards, sudhir P.S. I wish Max and Prairie Inkwells the best... |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I like the first one best....It speaks better than the second one... (does that make sense?!) I smiled when I saw the PiP name  |
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Casidy Junior Member
since 2002-01-27
Posts 36The Heart of Texas |
very powerful... I liked this... it clearly presents a message... and makes me feel very blessed to be where I am... |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
To make a statement - or make the reader ponder - in so few words, is an art not many master. These senryus left me pondering. And for what it's worth, using the word "wall" twice in the same line never bothered me a bit. Great job! |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
I think they're super. So much is said in those six lines.  for Max.Two times 'wall' didn't bother me. Keep on writing Max, they're great. Indeed, as Munda said, they leave you ponder. Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I have come in to say "thank you!" so much to all of you who gave Max some time in reading his efforts. He was so very pleased to hear from you. He does not have much in the way to give to others, except for his words. He is taking the copy of this that I gave him, and is so very proud of your comments, that he is sending it on to his Sister, in hopes that she will have some comfort and happiness from his sharing this with you. I think sometimes I am a writer, but today I am finding that it is not easy to share with all of you the smile that you put on this man's face...you just had to be there. No wonder I think you are all so very awesome...you don't know what you have done, but you ought to be pleased as punch that you did it. Hugs to you all....Karilea |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
"Wisdom climbs ladders" - That's excellent use of imagery. Personification at its best, Max. I like it a lot..  |
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