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Bruised - First attempt Triolet
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Bruised - First attempt Triolet |
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Casidy Junior Member
since 2002-01-27
Posts 36The Heart of Texas |
Bruised We stopped to pick the flowers and forgot forget me nots Thoughts cascading canyons over mountain steep Leaving teary pictures ‘neath the forest laden tops…. We stopped to pick the flowers and forgot forget me nots We walked on long, finding all we sought Planting little seeds, to later reap We stopped to pick the flowers and forgot forget me nots Thoughts cascading canyons over mountain steep Okay... call this a first attempt to try and get a feel for what this thingie is... a Triolet that is *smiles sweetly*... I don't know if I like all this repeating... Also... I have a question, if you add more stanza's... do they have to repeat the first?... or do they start a new repeat?.... or are there rules for new stanzas?.... |
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| © Copyright 2002 Casidy Canyon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
WOW Casidy, I think this is a great first attempt. Welcome to passions and class, you'll love it here (as long as you bring apples for the teach). Oh I still have to work on mine, well actually didn't start it yet, too busy doing other things. Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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cwebb Junior Member
since 2002-01-19
Posts 34 |
I think it's beautiful - and love whimsy of your "forgot the forget-me-nots"! I hope Nan can answer your question - I don't remember seeing any rules about subsequent verses, and far as I'm concerned, I can just make up my own! (Until I'm told otherwise!) I did look up triolets on various sites, and not one of the examples had more than one verse... I thought it interesting that there's no restriction to line-length, either. The repeating lines - yes, I feel that way too, but at the same time, I seem to hear the distant music of a harpsichord... this form to me has a sort of balladic quality, presented by a courtier to his lover as he might (or perhaps accompanied by!) a nosegay... the occasion, perhaps, for some clever word-play! Carol |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
I'm finding Triolet a tricky form of poetry. To repeat so many lines within an 8 line verse and still make sense, seems almost impossible to me, yet you managed very well.  Well done! |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Casidy. This is really nice, especially for a first try. One thing though and it may be just me but the meter on line 5 makes me stumble just a bit. I've read it several times and each time that one line just feels wrong. Otherwise, it really flows nice. Pete |
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Casidy Junior Member
since 2002-01-27
Posts 36The Heart of Texas |
Thank you all for the comments ;-) I will look at line 5... I agree it seems to stumble a bit there... it also seems to need more verses ;-)... |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Casidy, I'm thinking you do have a heart as big as Texas, for if this is your first post at a tricky format, then there's a lot more where that came from... and I agree with your fifth line...it needs a little work... looking forward to more! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is indeed lovely, Casidy - It's so nice to have a new poet begin their Passionate posts here in the workshop. I've gotta warn you - we have some serious fun (oxymoron) in here. You've given us a great entree - Thank you - and check your email for a special treat..  |
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