»
Main Forums
»
Poetry Workshop
»
My Limerick...finally
| Poetry Workshop |
|
My Limerick...finally |
|
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
My Limerick...finally and with a great deal of help from Tracey There once was a guy name of Duncan Success he was found to be flunkin’ So he thought and he dreamed To bury Krispy Kreme Simply changing his name to Dunkin Now donuts he baked early mornin’ Soon folks to his door were a swarmin’ Sweat pouring from his brow Quickly learned the way how To keep those pastries moist and warmin’ Men dunked ‘em each morn in their coffee Ladies dunked ‘em each day at high tea Dunkin’s donuts they craved Then en mass loudly raved For the sweet that had set them all free As he greeted the folks in his shop One fine day Dunkins gaze came to stop on a girl from afar drivin an f1 car he watched her jump out of the cartop She walked in and said her names Tracey Now this girl could get kinda racy Duncan soon was caught in a game few men can win She said come on Dunkin now chase me So he chased her he did pub to pub drank their way round the world club by club spending money like mad competing to be bad body aching Trace asked for a rub Then a grin came across Dunkin’s face Not just the rules had changed but the race this game he was master he stopped only to ask her shall I start with your feet or your face Soon putty she was in master’s hand never in travels cross the earth’s land had she felt so sublime losing all track of time Till one day he offered wedding band Her mind was reeling with the prospect Diamonds and riches never suspect the band he offered though when found was made of dough sent Trace running straight for an exit Poor Dunkin searched world far and world wide for his love, for his lady, his bride lost in the night she hid thinking glad to be rid ‘a ring made of dough’ all she sighed So back to his shops he retreated alone and sad and defeated he was sure it had been his dough that drew her in his strength all but nearly depleted She is racing through life much too fast not slowing down for love or it’s last she never looks back at the days reaping havoc upon the dreams that they had in the past Then one day as Dunkin was baking heard squeals of an f1 car braking saw Tracey jump out she ran up with a shout Dunk, I saw the mistake I was making She again loved her ring made of dough and she wanted him back don’t you know so they got in her car headed for some new bar and off into the sunset they drove |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Duncan - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Don't you mean LimerickS? Good gosh...I can't do ONE, and here's a whole slew of 'em.... |
||
|
Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Well this is quite amazing, as is the story. However, I started reading your story as limericks and kept stumbling over the meter. (sorry!) Anapestic is supposed to read like: da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM with the stress on DUM. I'm sure if you make some small changes here and there, you can turn this in anapestic meter. Nonetheless, well done!  |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Yep, I know the meter's not quite right but I'm hearing da da DUM in my sleep and for now this is close as I can get. Thanks. |
||
|
Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Meters right or wrong I just love it and I think this needs a  for writing limericks isn't at all easy to do.Love the story, love the write Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
||
|
Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Look boys and girls, Duncans trying to be teachers pet again….look how many limericks he wrote!!! Some people will do anything for a gold star!!! And hey Dunc, who was supposed to be tutoring who here??? Though, maybe I didn’t help you out so good huh?? Lol. Come on, let’s go play on the swings, that was hard work!!! If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is very kewl, Duncan... You've woven a very wonderfully whimsical and Limerickal saga here... I love it. As for your anapestics... You do deviate a bit from 'absolute' perfect meter, but I think that many good Limerick writers do the same... Not to worry - You still get your A...  HEY - Trash the GUM..!! |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Funny thing is I thought writing a limerick would be easy compared to some of the other types of poetry I considered. I got some help by looking back into previous workshops at some of Doc's, which were great. And as I mentioned, Tracey helped alot (though mostly with the verses that were less than perfect in meter...lol). Thanks, Nan, for your very generous grade. I'm sure you used the dummy scale. I had a lot of fun writing this and just a few screaming moments. |
||
|
Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Hey, how come you didn’t get called up for rhyming under influence huh??? And an A??? And as for saying that MINE were the verses with less than perfect meter…..is that anything like a dare??? Do I have to start writing more exposes about you????? You have been warned!!!! Lol If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
