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Tracey’s Version of Events (to Duncans limerick
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Tracey’s Version of Events (to Duncans limerick |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding 
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This is my iambic pentameter. Hope I've got it right. Inspiration supplied courtesy of Duncan Tracey’s Version of Events (to Duncans limerick) I was driving my car in a strange town When I saw a Dunkin man hangin around Got out of my car and went in his shop What happened then I have never forgot He smiled as he said something sweet to me He liked my f1 car, that I could see I thought he was cute, he asked for a spin How could I know what was going to begin “Lets travel the world and see us some sights” He said to me, and I thought I just might I said if we travel we must see pubs And maybe drop into the odd nightclub Well I’ll admit that I might have fallen But that old Dunkin sure found his callin He’d pick me up after one beer too much That’s when I said “lets go visit the dutch” So off to see Titia and her guesthouse We said we’d be quiet as a doormouse That didn’t last long, for I did find beer And who did show up but Sir Balladeer We saw all the sights where Titia does live And all of the beauty held us captive The party went on till all hours of dawn Til off to bed we all went with a yawn Then the next day Dunkin got on one knee What did he offer but a ring for me This ring, a donut, I thought him a lout thought he was joking and soon kicked him out with a heart broken from fake proposing I spent the next weeks in bars til closing Til a friend told me that proposal was real Now I was the lout, or so I did feel Off back to Dunkins I raced in my car And on the way, I passed many a bar Being good I only stopped in a few Heck, whadya expect a poor girl to do? I finally got there to Dunkins shop Slammed on my brakes and came to a stop Gave him a rollicking for making me think That ring was only a joke after drink We drove into the sunset quite happy But that is where this story gets sappy So I will not bore you with the details Because I’m too busy supping on ale If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tracey Skipp - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Let me start by saying I really love your tale.  But... yeah leave it to the Dutch to critique... iambic is a little different. Somehow your lines read more like a limerich (anapestic meter) with the stress on the third syllable. Iambic has the (natural) stress on every second syllable.da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM, meaning the stress would be on DUM. I'm sure if you go over it, you'll be able to change it to perfect iambic pentameter. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Hey Trace...Looks like we got our iambic tempameterthingers and da dumm dumms all mixed up. Oh well, this was poetry for dummies months...at that, we shine! |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Munda, you're absolutely right about the beat. I was helping Duncan with his limericks at the same time that I was writing this, and you know how the beat of limericks just sticks in your brain. I was going to go back and clean it up a bit, but quite frankly, I was too lazy. Besides, it was already late!! I appreciate your comments. Yeah Duncan, at least we shine at something huh??? Lol If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
I sure must have liked your visit to my guesthouse, but being full of that beer I can't remember anything about it anymore  Love the write and I won't critisize cause I don't know anything about Iambicmeters But I sure would love to see you back when I'm sober  Titia A rose is a rose is a rose...I guess... |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
You're on Titia, we'll be back again when we're all sober!!! Any excuse to come visit you and your beautiful country If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I don't recall approving anyone writing under the affluence of incohol during classtime... Nope - I don't... No wonder you made a longer limerick instead of iambic pentameter... As punishment, I think Duncan and Tracey should do a rewrite - both - using iambic pentameter this time... Fair's fair, after all...  |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Fair? How's it fair that I should have to help Tracey write her limbic pootameter thing? She was the one rhyming under the influence. I told her not to, yes, I did. Told her it was against workshop guidelines. She never listens to me. She just pops another top and turns up the radio to drown me out. Fine, I'll help her. But I am not too happy about this. Only doing it for kiss credits!  |
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Tracey Member Elite
since 2001-08-29
Posts 2808where insanity meets breeding |
Nan, I didn’t mean to be writing under the influence, but I was helping Duncan, and I swear, he drove me to drink…well, if you had to spend hours with him coming up with that great big long limerick, you would too!!!….So, you see, it’s not my fault. But we will take the punishment, and see what we can come up with next!!! (though, be forewarned…it could be worse!!! Lol) And Duncan, you have to help, for getting me into trouble. And as for this sweet and innocent “I told her not too”???? What’s that??? You were handing me the beer!!! Now take your punishment like a man and help me with this!!! (have you ever heard the word “suck up” by the way Mr Teachers Pet????) If she who dies with the most toys wins, then can I have some toy boys please? |
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