Duality (Not about Halloween, sorry PDV)

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Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

0 posted 1999-10-20 10:08 PM

Duality

Forever fades, and only this remains:
The lilt of love's disarming melody.
Entrancing, this insidious refrain:
Mysterious in its simplicity.

The lilt of love's disarming melody
A gentle cadence to her artless grace;
Mysterious in its simplicity,
The sensual perfection of her face.

A gentle cadence to her artless grace,
Resplendent in her elegant repose --
The sensual perfection of her face:
Her skin, like snow; her lips, a winter rose.

Resplendent in her elegant repose,
In careless grasp the hearts of men she holds --
Her skin like snow, her lips a winter rose --
Ephemeral as frost -- and doubly cold.

In careless grasp, the hearts of men she holds;
The chill of vengeful laughter fills the air --
Ephemeral as frost, and doubly cold,
Her touch evokes a chorus of despair

The chill of vengeful laughter fills the air:
Entrancing, this insidious refrain;
Her touch evokes a chorus of despair --
Forever fades, and only this remains.

------------------
"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus"
(Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.")

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

1 posted 1999-10-20 10:27 PM

This may not be about Halloween, but hey, I don't think mine really is either.

I very much like the way your theme progressed in this. Meter...I'm not an expert on meter, so I'll leave that be and only say that it seemed to flow smoothly when I read it.

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

2 posted 1999-10-20 10:32 PM

Thank you Satiate ... your ears work just as well as any English teacher's knowledge of meter, I'd suspect, so if you say it flows smoothly, I'll take your word for it!!

Thanks for the read and reply ...

Nocht

[This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 10-20-1999).]

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

3 posted 1999-10-21 12:00 PM

Well done and deserving of much accolade! This is veritable pantoumic perfection in structure, though being tone deaf, I cannot comment well upon the meter.

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Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

4 posted 1999-10-21 09:57 AM

Whew...who needs Halloween with a poem like this one. As far as meter goes, to tell you the truth, I get so wrapped up in everything else in this piece, I totally fail to note any flaws in the rhythm, be there any. As well as it reads, if there are, they are only small. There were several lines in this piece that just wanted to make me sit here shake my head and say WOW!! Those being:
"Forever fades, and only this remains"
(An most excellent beginning line and an even more perfect ending)
"A gentle cadence to her artless grace"
(Absolutely beautiful)
"Ephemeral as frost -- and doubly cold"
(wow, why couldn't I have thought of that one?)

I Applaud this wonderful piece, thanks for sharing it with us!

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

5 posted 1999-10-21 01:37 PM

DreamEvil, hoot ... thank you for your words of encouragement. I incorporated a "twist" in this poem that I wasn't sure would work ... the changeling lover, whose song is at first sweet and then searing, but always entrancing and irresistable. I hope that your enjoyment of the piece means that I did what I set out to do.

Nocht

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

6 posted 1999-10-23 06:59 AM

*G* Nochtdraco, I really loved this. As for 'technical' comment...no comment, I'm just a beginner. : )

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

7 posted 1999-10-23 08:03 PM

Again, my apologies for not getting here sooner - Why is it that we have to work for a living anyway - Don't these employers understand???

Anyway - Your format, your meter (iambic pentameter) and your theme are all wonderfully intact...

My comments on this poem are all about imagery.

Nice job for sure... I see both simile and metaphor in the same line - That's a feat in itself!

Her skin, like snow; her lips, a winter rose.

And then Personification

Forever fades, and only this remains...

...In careless grasp the hearts of men she holds...

...The chill of vengeful laughter fills the air...

Just to name a couple - There are more, I'm sure

....um..... This is a REALLY nice job Nocht...

I TRULY LOVE IT

[This message has been edited by Nan (edited 10-23-1999).]

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

8 posted 1999-10-25 09:51 PM

Wow, I got flowers from Nan!

(dancing around room, singing) I got flowers from Naaaaan, I got flowers from Naaaan!!

Ahem ... I mean, thank you very much for your comment, Nan. Your words are always appreciated.

Nocht

traveler
Member

since 1999-08-17

Posts 119

9 posted 1999-10-29 09:01 AM

MMMM ...very interesting nocht ...sounds like an ice princess to me

RobertB
Senior Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 1104
Champaign, IL

10 posted 1999-10-29 08:38 PM

I like this one!!!! Very good!!!!!!! mine stinks....

------------------
if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming.

marzar
New Member

since 1999-10-29

Posts 6

11 posted 1999-10-30 12:19 PM

Wow! I'm speechless!

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

12 posted 1999-11-03 10:29 AM

Is it just me, or do you ALWAYS write in iambic pentameter?

I have never tried a villanelle (at least not one that I would admit to), but based on what I know about the form, you have done a good job with this one. The first thing that sprang to my attention was how your repeated lines stood on their own, which makes them much easier to incorporate into more than one stanza.

A pretty decent piece you have crafted here. Applause from the critic's corner.

--Kess

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You cannot choose the way of your death, but the path you choose will determine its own end.

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