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Of Strength And Peace (um...done?)
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Of Strength And Peace (um...done?) |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida 
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Ok folks...eeeek, here goes. The strengths I gain in life increase A lesson learned at every turn In such I find a sense of peace Once married to a man caprice For another he soon did yearn The strengths I gain in life increase My children two are sweet surcease Each day they chase away concern In such I find a sense of peace Disease might mark my life’s decease The morrow is the day I learn The strengths I gain in life increase And when collectors’ calls decrease My life will take an upward turn In such I find a sense of peace Though pain and strife will never cease And often cause my heart to burn The strengths I gain in life increase In such I find a sense of peace [This message has been edited by Satiate (edited 10-08-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Nicole Williams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
This s great Satiate! I really liked this...it seemed to flow very nicely...I'm not that good at meter so I won't comment on that...LOL...I don't feel like going through and counting every syllable..it's late and I'm tired.  So I'll just leave it as...looks good to me! Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
My meter bites as well, but you have done well with all the other aspects of this form. ------------------ Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Wonderful job Satiate.  Perfect iambic tetrameter, following the rhyme scheme throughout. BRAVO!!! I'm very glad you were able to pull this one off without analyzing it to death. Alicat The twitterpated, satiated, kilted kitty |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I liked this...the only thing I had a problem with was this one line "For another he soon did yearn" to me that line inturupts the meter a bit in the rest of the poem don't ask what I'd do with it though, because I can't tell you, no ideas here |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This certainly did develop well as a very personal overview of life... You've succeeded well at that. Your rhyme scheme adheres well to the villanelle format, and your iambic tetrameter is fine with the exception of that one line that Ruth has pointed out... How about "Another's muse he soon did yearn"? ...or any one syllable word you might choose in place of "muse" would work. Nice job overall... I'm having such fun here... |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Thanks all. Nan & Hoot, I appreciate you pointing that out. I've been tripping and mulling over that line, wondering if it was just me or if there was something off. Thank you for the suggestion Nan. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Satiate, this was probably the most well developed theme I've read during this whole workshop. Great job! Another suggestion for that troublesome line that needs work (this, I think, works well with your theme)- Try this- Once married to a man caprice Another's kiss he soon did yearn The strengths I gain in life increase just an idea..... thanks for the read... enjoyed it! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Teach me to be late to class....everyone else gets the good comments....Good job, (grumbling under breath with head hung in shame) |
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