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Acceptance (finished?)
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Acceptance (finished?) |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio 
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Though this may not be destiny, With rising moon and fading tide True love, my soul will soon be free. Each moment just a short degree. Release these bonds that I have tied, Though this may not be destiny. Acceptance, now I know the key. My faith in you I thus confide True love, my soul will soon be free. To laugh? To weep? To fight or flee? To take me now right by your side, Though this may not be destiny? Two hearts that beat as one, my plea; Believe the words herein implied True love, my soul will soon be free. My time has has come and now I see. A way to gain more strength inside, Though this may not be destiny True love. My soul will soon be free. [This message has been edited by Sally S. (edited 10-09-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Sally - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
This is wonderful!  One little teensy weensy nitpick ... "chains" and "tied" just don't compute ... how about "these bonds that I have tied" or "these bindings I have tied?" Just a humble suggestion ... I did enjoy the read very much. Nocht |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Very well executed, Sally! I like this a lot. I agree with Nocht that chains aren't tied...how 'bout "Release these ropes that I have tied"? Just an idea. Otherwise, the only question I have would be why you have chosen to use a question mark after the line "Though this may not be destiny" in the 4th stanza. Was that intentional or a typo? If intentional, I don't think you need it there. Thanks for a wonderful read! Well done! |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Vert nice Sally...I to have one question...in the 6th stanza you have the word has twice, any reason why? Just wondering! I also agree with Nocht and Doreen...chains and tied should not be used together...maybe bonds, or something like that. Just my opinion...but I'm no expert on this. Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Wow...this is beautiful....you did a fine job. I agree with the others on the chains and tied bit, but other wise, well done. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Nice job... Your format is done properly with the rhyme scheme, repetitions, and meter all in place. Your theme is consistent, and you've got a nice poem here - (I think "bonds" would work) - Overall a successful venture... |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Thank you all for the suggestions....I was going for the "chains" in this way.. "Release these chains that I have tied": as in each link being slowly added over time. (Ok..ok, I won't argue with the majority..LOL) I'll make the switch. It will make for a smoother read. Thanks again. This has been great fun![This message has been edited by Sally S. (edited 10-09-1999).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well I didn't get to see the original format, but I disagree. I think that poetry for a large part is symbolism. But that's just me! LIke it either way! |
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