She Walked In The Door (finally, at last)

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Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

0 posted 2000-07-25 03:19 PM

Sorry about the length but the silly thing just kept growing pretty much without reason. I hope it's not too boring. I know it doesn't quite fit the prescribed format, with that extra line in each stanza, etc. but it just seemed to work out that way

Sorry again. There are a couple of other little bonuses also.

                         She Walked In The Door

While driving through town, I was looking around, stopped in Charlie's to have a drink,
A neighborhood place where I saw on each face both sorrow and passion, I think;
When I stepped in I thought that maybe I ought to just look around the room
To see what was there, so I took the first chair for my eyes to adjust to the gloom;
Saw a guy at the bar with a long ugly scar from his chin right down to his chest,
And one at the end mourned the loss of a friend, or so it appeared at best;
A drunk at a table kept calling "Hey Mable, bring me another beer."
But the laughter about left little to doubt that amusement existed in here;
An interesting place and I saw on each face both pleasure and passion, I think.

A sign at the bar said "It's happy hour - You buy one you get one free"
And the barkeep was mixing but what he was fixing looked unfamiliar to me.
In a moment or so my eye caught a glow from a stage on the other side;
I got up to go see just what it might be, curiosity I couldn't hide;
And at the next table, the man seemed unable to hold his head up straight,
While the girl at his side just wanted to hide and get through this lousy date,
And that drunk at the table still yelling "Hey Mable, where in hell is my beer";
Then I stopped and I thought that maybe I ought to just get on out of here,
But the barkeep's still fixing that drink he was mixing, now looked pretty good to me.

They had a good band, back there on the stand, played my favorite, rhythm and blues,
So I found a close chair and sat down right there by the stage with a perfect view
Of the band as they played and the dancers who swayed to the rhythm and sensuous sound
Of the music they heard, and I spoke not a word but studied this place I had found -
A nice enough place yet the look on each face was puzzled and troubled, I think.
But it seemed like time now to figure out how to order myself a drink,
So I caught the eye of a waitress nearby, I recall her name was Annette,
And my order for booze, as I listened to blues, she came right over to get;
And I sat in my chair, right by the stage there, absorbed in that perfect view.

Then she walked in the door, never saw her before, but the prettiest I'll ever see,
And I thought I should ask, if my nerve I could mask, if she might have a dance with me;
Her lips were full red, like the hair on her head, which was long and curled with care,
Her body, just right, was a beautiful sight, and her legs were from here to there,
She wore a red dress, which I must confess, was as short as a man could desire,
So low cut at the top could have made my heart stop or at least set my thoughts on fire,
And it fit her so tight that at first glance it might have been just a crimson illusion
Yet that would improve, each time she would move, to further my lustful confusion;
Yes I wanted to ask, but was awed by the task, if she'd have just one dance with me.

Now listen my friends how the story ends, to my best recollection it's true -
I'd brave that big chance and ask her to dance, but first have a drink or two,
But that red dress she wore, as I said before, was so short and low cut and tight,
That I just couldn't wait, in spite of my state, that hunger I just couldn't fight;
So I got to my feet, could hear my heart beat, and spruced up the best that I could,
And I asked her if she might just dance with me. . . With a smile she said that she would.
Now I don't dance much but her skill was such that I just couldn't do any wrong
And we danced through the night, as I held her tight, till the band played their final song;
Then after the dance I took one more chance and ordered us drinks for two.

Well, we found a dark place where we sat face-to-face and continued our conversation,
And she'd touch my hand and you'd understand how that was a stunning sensation.
Then out of the blue she said "I'm Betty Sue. Now don't you remember my face?"
And I scratched my head and then finally said, "Oh, I do, from a previous place
And time I believe, if my thoughts don't deceive, it was high school, a long time ago."
But back then she was plump and a bit of a frump, so how could I ever know
That she'd look so great at this later date, this plain girl from out of my past,
Would turn out to be this temptress I see, with a beauty that can't be surpassed,
That the girl, I recall no temptation at all, would become such a stunning sensation.

As we sipped at our drinks, I started to think she just might enjoy consummation
Of friendship renewed, for she seemed in the mood, and that surely was my aspiration;
Then after a while she asked with a smile "Don't you think it's about time to leave?"
And it felt really good, made me think that she would, my good fortune was hard to believe.
"Since I'm just passing through there's not much to do but go back to your place", I said,
Then she smiled once again and said "Oh no, my friend, we'll do it this way, instead.
Remember in school how you treated me cruel and often had mean words to say?
Well, I'm going alone and you're on your own." And she turned and went on her way
With a wave of her hand, and I did understand, it was a quite fair condemnation.

< !signature-->

Pete

Imagination is more important than knowledge
       Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 07-25-2000).]

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

1 posted 2000-07-25 07:06 PM

Pete ! I am in awe ! My goodness I love it ! Especially the rhyme within the lines and if it's not exactly according to the rules of a ballad...who cares. LOL In my book you passed ! (and for epic at the same time

)

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

2 posted 2000-07-25 10:57 PM

No ballad but a lot of brilliant! This is great, Pete. you got a little Robert Service, a little Shel Silverstein and a lot of yourself in this one....this is really exceptional work, good sir, one to be proud of.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2000-07-26 09:36 AM

Munda,
Thanks for the fine compliment. I'm so glad you liked it. You know, I never did write that epic. This is pretty long although not iambic pentameter, do you suppose Nan might give me partial credit against it for this one?

Mike,
Thanks so much, to have the Balladeer's approval is a bright feather in my cap

At least to some extent, Robert Service gave me the interest to begin writing this thing. I'm glad you noticed. But I do have a question about the ballad. If I rearrange the lines like below, would it then be a more proper ballad? Or would it just appear long a skinny?

While driving through town, I was looking around,
stopped in Charlie's to have a drink,
A neighborhood place where I saw on each face
both sorrow and passion, I think;
When I stepped in I thought that maybe I ought
to just look around the room
To see what was there, so I took the first chair
for my eyes to adjust to the gloom;

Saw a guy at the bar with a long ugly scar
from his chin right down to his chest,
And one at the end mourned the loss of a friend,
or so it appeared at best;
A drunk at a table kept calling "Hey Mable,
bring me another beer."
But the laughter about left little to doubt
that amusement existed in here;

An interesting place and I saw on each face
both pleasure and passion, I think.

A sign at the bar said "It's happy hour -
You buy one you get one free"
And the barkeep was mixing but what he was fixing
looked unfamiliar to me.
In a moment or so my eye caught a glow
from a stage on the other side;
I got up to go see just what it might be,
curiosity I couldn't hide;

And at the next table, the man seemed unable
to hold his head up straight,
While the girl at his side just wanted to hide
and get through this lousy date,
And that drunk at the table still yelling "Hey Mable,
where in hell is my beer";
Then I stopped and I thought that maybe I ought
to just get on out of here,

But the barkeep's still fixing that drink he was mixing,
now looked pretty good to me.

They had a good band, back there on the stand,
played my favorite, rhythm and blues,
So I found a close chair and sat down right there
by the stage with a perfect view
Of the band as they played and the dancers who swayed
to the rhythm and sensuous sound
Of the music they heard, and I spoke not a word
but studied this place I had found -

A nice enough place yet the look on each face
was puzzled and troubled, I think.
But it seemed like time now to figure out how
to order myself a drink,
So I caught the eye of a waitress nearby,
I recall her name was Annette,
And my order for booze, as I listened to blues,
she came right over to get;

And I sat in my chair, right by the stage there,
absorbed in that perfect view.

Then she walked in the door, never saw her before,
but the prettiest I'll ever see,
And I thought I should ask, if my nerve I could mask,
if she might have a dance with me;
Her lips were full red, like the hair on her head,
which was long and curled with care,
Her body, just right, was a beautiful sight,
and her legs were from here to there,
She wore a red dress, which I must confess,
was as short as a man could desire,
So low cut at the top could have made my heart stop
or at least set my thoughts on fire,
And it fit her so tight that at first glance it might
have been just a crimson illusion
Yet that would improve, each time she would move,
to further my lustful confusion;

Yes I wanted to ask, but was awed by the task,
if she'd have just one dance with me.

Now listen my friends how the story ends,
to my best recollection it's true -
I'd brave that big chance and ask her to dance,
but first have a drink or two,
But that red dress she wore, as I said before,
was so short and low cut and tight,
That I just couldn't wait, in spite of my state,
that hunger I just couldn't fight;

So I got to my feet, could hear my heart beat,
and spruced up the best that I could,
And I asked her if she might just dance with me. . .
With a smile she said that she would.
Now I don't dance much but her skill was such
that I just couldn't do any wrong
And we danced through the night, as I held her tight,
till the band played their final song;

Then after the dance I took one more chance
and ordered us drinks for two.

Well, we found a dark place where we sat face-to-face
and continued our conversation,
And she'd touch my hand and you'd understand
how that was a stunning sensation.
Then out of the blue she said "I'm Betty Sue.
Now don't you remember my face?"
And I scratched my head and then finally said,
"Oh, I do, from a previous place

And time I believe, if my thoughts don't deceive,
it was high school, a long time ago."
But back then she was plump and a bit of a frump,
so how could I ever know
That she'd look so great at this later date,
this plain girl from out of my past,
Would turn out to be this temptress I see,
with a beauty that can't be surpassed,

That the girl, I recall no temptation at all,
would become such a stunning sensation.

As we sipped at our drinks, I started to think
she just might enjoy consummation
Of friendship renewed, for she seemed in the mood,
and that surely was my aspiration;
Then after a while she asked with a smile
"Don't you think it's about time to leave?"
And it felt really good, made me think that she would,
my good fortune was hard to believe.

"Since I'm just passing through there's not much to do
but go back to your place", I said,
Then she smiled once again and said "Oh no, my friend,
we'll do it this way, instead.
Remember in school how you treated me cruel
and often had mean words to say?
Well, I'm going alone and you're on your own."
And she turned and went on her way

With a wave of her hand, and I did understand,
it was a quite fair condemnation.

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 07-26-2000).]

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