The Bard (reworked)...can I yet call this a BALLAD?

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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2000-07-17 01:36 PM

Can I yet call this a ballad or am I still hopeless?

Anyway, here it is, please advice me upon how I should go about it or if I should forget about this for now and try a few months later...

THE BARD

Under a Banyan tree, sat a bard,
Pleasantly humming a lovely song,
Strumming melodies on his old harp,
Spinning a tale of days gone long

A cheering crowd basked in afterglow
Of the crimsoned evening sun,
Hearing his spoken words of love
Smiling at each intended pun.

In a low pitched voice and a sharp tone,
He gave his second song a toast
"Aeons ago, in a distant past, the Lord's
Land was being taken by the Ghost"

"Famine struck, taking along them all
The old and young; woman and man
The strong alone survived the curse,
The rest paid for the sins of the clan."

"Repenting a dark past of futile kill,
Of illicit loot and moral outrage,
They'd now become a cleansed tribe,
All kin in a family come of age"

The cheering crowd had now gone quiet
The sky shadowed with the setting sun,
Hearing painful words they began to mourn
He continued the tragedy killing all fun.

"Days spent herding cattle and sheep
They'd become gypsies in a constant gruel,
With few members left amongst their lot
No King or Queen was needed to rule."

"But, then in Love's divine kingdom,
There needn't be many souls.
After all, takes only two hearts to flutter
To spread cupid-feathered souls."

"A single adoring glance is all it takes
From faraway twinkling eyes,
To start a passionate affair in the hearts,
To make songbirds sing in skies."

The quietened crowd now let out smiles
The sky started to glow in the fading sun,
Mourning stopped, and senses revitalised,
He went on with this twist, all having fun

"This song is of two such doves,
Two of the purest souls that lived,
Of such sacred love that they shared,
A story of the devoted way they lived."

"He was a strong lad with deep-set eyes
Destined to be the land's future King,
She was a sensuous lady with a caring soul
Perfect Queen-to-be, befitting the ring."

"Under this very tree, they used to meet,
Whispering words of love, holding tight,
Here they conjoined in blissful matrimony
Their lovely unison shone in a starlit night."

And so on with the story of love,
The bard, he sang the love song,
Melodic notes swayed many hearts,
Letting out sighs, souls thronged

The sun had set in dusky twilight,
Leaving in an afterglow of the sky
Mesmerised by his balladic lyrics,
Amid the crowd, stood a smiling I.

~~~

[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 07-17-2000).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2000-07-17 08:13 PM

Sudhir, one of the most recent famous ballads sung [remembering, I believe, that a ballad is to be able to have a liltie, sing-song measure], was Ballad of the Green Berets. I cannot give you the music, but here are the words:

quote:
                             Fighting soldiers from the sky,
                                     Fearless men who jump and die,
                                     Men who mean just what they say
                                    The brave men of the Green Beret.

                                      Silver wings upon their chests,
                                      These are men, America's best,
                                     One hundred men we'll test today,
                                    But only three win the Green Beret.

                                      Trained to live off nature's land,
                                     Trained in combat, hand to hand,
                                     Men who fight by night and day,
                                    Courage take from the Green Beret.

                                      Silver wings upon their chests,
                                      These are men, America's best,
                                    Men who mean just what they say,
                                    The brave men of the Green Beret.

                                     Back at home a young wife waits,
                                     Her Green Beret has met his fate,
                                     He has died for those oppressed,
                                       Leaving her this last request:

                                    Put silver wings on my son's chest,
                                     Make him one of America's best,
                                    He'll be a man they'll test one day,
                                      Have him win the Green Beret.

The way I see it, you need a 3/4 [da da da, da da da da] beat or meter.

If this helps?

I think you are on the right start, but a rephrasing of your words might be in order...

and here's a web site to refer to...
http://www.dnaco.net/~aleed/ballad/

good luck my friend...
< !signature-->

Sunny

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 07-17-2000).]

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

2 posted 2000-07-19 05:26 PM

I think this is great Sudhir ! Is it a ballad ? I have no idea. I added some information to Nan's "explaing" topic, but I'm still lost myself.

demoninlove
Member

since 2000-02-11

Posts 211
Dehradun

3 posted 2000-08-07 09:14 AM

That was lovely yet Sudhir - Ballad or not - and I intend to read all your poems by and by
Deepak

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