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Love's Flight (my pitiful attempt)
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Love's Flight (my pitiful attempt) |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA 
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(Attempts to slide her's in under the stack of papers on Nan's desk...maybe after she reads all these other great postings she'll be a bit more compassionate....Really IMHO, this sucks big time...not sure I was meant to write form poetry) Love's Flight Drawn to her love's sweet light Once caged, now she's set free She spreads her wings in flight Within the depths of night Once blind, she now can see Drawn to her love's sweet light There bathed in clouds of white In skies above the sea She spreads her wings in flight Life dim, now shining bright No longer lost she'll be Drawn to her love's sweet light His love has won the fight Released and now set free She spreads her wings in flight Eyes opened in his sight Her soul released, set free Drawn to her love's sweet light She spreads her wings in flight ------------------ Man can not discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-09-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ruth Kephart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
I think you did a darn good job with this, ruth. Seriously. I liked it! The rhyme and meter seem right on, to me. I had a hard time with it, too. Not used to solving the puzzle of strict structure! I think you did great! |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Sigh ... how lovely, hoot ... give yourself more credit ... a villanelle, especially one of this caliber, is no mean feat ... Thank you for gracing us once again with this beautiful writing. Nocht ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
This is beautiful...something light and up lifting to counter my darker work. Perfect! Hoot you are much to hard on yourself...though I do know so well that we are our own worst critiques. This is very good...I see no problems at all, mind you I am no expert by far, but it seems to flow nicely.  Give yourself the credit you deserve Hoot...it's very nice indeed!Star ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Oh my goodness! This is lovely, and flowed smooth when I read it. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Thanks everyone for your comments. I am truly not happy with it, I seem to have a problem when it comes to form poetry, my words seem to be so stunted. I am my own worst critic by far when it comes to my writing though |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!! Well, not really, but I thought since you told us it was pitiful you wanted us to agree. Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, there is nothing pitiful about this at all! This is beautiful. It speaks of loss courage and hope all in one shot. I'd say that's enough wouldn't you??? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope.... Not pitiful - Doesn't suck......NOT! You've got a nice piece of work here, Ruth. You've developed your theme well, and you've not deviated from the format. Your iambic trimeter and rhyme scheme are great.... Only one thing... - You've gotta spell shining properly....... Nice job - Ruth... |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Don't know what you could possibly NOT like about it, Ruth....it's beautiful. It flows very well and very smooth. Nice work! |
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