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Sorry I'm late
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Sorry I'm late |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California 
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Uh, sorry I'm late teach...I spent all morning trying to find you the perfect apple...yeah that's it...I'm late because I was thinking of you...oh yeah, and the dog ate my homework too. hehe, sorry Nan - here's my quatrain. I really was distracted you know. Every emotion in me torn, Affliction due the hand of Fate. Alone in Darkness, donning scorn, Curse I the day sweet Love was born. ------------------ Michael Anderson When God puts a tear in your eye, He puts a rainbow in your heart. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Michael Anderson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Wow Michael, I wonder if your dog and mine are in cahoots..?  I like this, depressing though it may be ... you know, pFF is back, you're supposed to start writing sappy stuff again!! I'll be very interested to see how you develop this... Nocht |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Yeah, Nocht, that is why I was distracted. Thought I'd purge those last remaining depressive thoughts here, so I could draw out the pain longer. HEHE...or atleast make you all suffer through them longer...My poetry will be much brighter soon...this is a given. ------------------ Michael Anderson When God puts a tear in your eye, He puts a rainbow in your heart. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
OK, so does that mean you'll grace this dark damsel with a fair sister sometime soon? Twin villanelles ... enough to give a poor girl heartburn just thinking of it ... Nocht |
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Sally S. Senior Member
since 1999-06-07
Posts 847Ohio |
Well, I'm certainly no expert so, how can I critique this? Seems to have great "repeater" lines, though as Nocht mentioned...I wonder how you can still write sadness  Happiness has returned!!! hee hee |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Better late than never Michael especially in this case, although the subject matter is a bit depressing, you've got a wonderful start for your Villanelle |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Yeah, I believe you Michael! (Bet he was out back kissing Femme! That's why he was ditching!) But that aside, can't find a thing wrong with this, and add that I like how you can curse something you still consider sweet...interesting.  |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I like it as well Michael. Christopher...Isn't that the one thing that holds true about love? It is sweet and blissful but at the same time achingly painful. The greatest oxy' you can find. |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Yanno?..One of the things I like about your writing Michael, is that you're versatile. You can write sad when your happy, and vice versa...cool start, lookin forward to this one! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Are you always late for class? Probably - and you probably always have your work done when you show up too, I suppose... Anyway - You know you've done well. You rhyme scheme is fine - Your iambic tetrameter is fine - and you can build your theme well on this quatrain. LOL - "Every" is three syllables as far as I know - but you can beat the system by saying "Ev'ry" - No doubt that's how you intend to schmooze this one into proper meter???.. [This message has been edited by Nan (edited 10-09-1999).] |
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