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Elizabeth Santos/Lovebug - here..
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Elizabeth Santos/Lovebug - here.. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA 
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Here's a comfy spot for the two of you...  |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Thanks, Nan. I hope you meant that we can post some poems here. Lovebug and I are working on free verse and have been following this workshop. Our challenge was to write about dreams and incorporate at least three of the elements you described in your defintion of free verse. I have a lot of trouble with free verse. If anyone reads this attempt, I would prefer some HONEST critisism. I will NOT be offended. I'm just trying to learn along with lovebug. Lady of Elation She has wrapped me in a cloak of fear at times smothering my whole with a dark shroud of enclose causing my body to sweat in its trembling and my heart to pump and race like a runaway mustang she has cursed me with heavy feet hardened in cement my eyes turned backward to the ghastly one chasing and reaching lunging at me from behind wanting only to consume me she has comforted me with a tender warmth and allowed my heart to revisit love with glorious and wonderful visions always leaving me in incompletion filling in details stretching the wonder making it stay a little longer and then embracing her with a thank you she is the inventor of silliness of conjuring of imagination mixing him and her and them and I in a place out of place with characters out of character and I hate the deja vu the over and over of her whims and I hate the bears clawing at me and I hate her displaying the tragedy of my future for she is brazen and unforwarning intruding in my night an uninvited guest she is that lady of elation she is a beast of damnation she haunts me and taunts me she is here and gone in the middle of my sleep she is just a fantsy, but a real one and once in a while just once in a while she lets me revisit LOVE she is a dream she is just a nighttime dream Elizabeth Santos [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 02-20-2000).] |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
this is excellent...it flows beautifully and it describes the emotions so real so tangibly....very nice poem |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Thanks for the spot, Nan! Here is my re-done version of what I posted in the teen/mentor forum Ah, dreams... I close my eyes And there I am... It’s like Heaven, but not quite It’s better, in a way Because anything can happen Anything you want I can leave the green serene of West Virginia and fly to Paris - without a ticket and there I am, in the crown jewel of Europe standing in the height of the Eiffel Tower with no fear of the down below the vertigo of real and he is there with me the one I love, holding me close and he is so real, so very real Dreams are perfection The topic of writers and poets The one thing everyone has in common Big dreams But there's one thing about dreams That everyone knows, but never speaks of One flaw... Eventually, you must wake up My dreams tease me, in a way They fool me into thinking they are true But then I awaken... And I'm back where I began Sometimes I wish I could stop dreaming But I don't know how... If only dreams could be real... < !signature--> "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" [This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 02-22-2000).] |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Lovebug, Excellent! You did a good job. Only one suggestion, the "that was cute" was just a side remark, not part of the poem. The cute one is YOU. Love, Liz |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Elizabeth - You've done a fine job... Listen to the structured poet talking to the structured poet about free verse.... YIKES!! You've used some really effective imagery to enhance your theme, and it works well... I love the opener... "Lady Elation and her 'cloak of fear'"... Nice .. Then, of course, there's everything in between, and a great final verse..."Once in a while she lets me revisit LOVE.." This one works, Elizabeth... Now let's go write a sonnet, ya think...  |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Lovebug - I really did enjoy your work, here. You've used some nice metaphors to depict your dream state, but I like your visions in your dream the best. Your dreams teasing you - That's a really good line too. You've got a great mentor in Elizabeth here - Keep up the good work - and don't let her convince you that you should do all formatted poetry, now - You may have a real talent for this free verse stuff... |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Elizabeth, LoveBug.....you two amaze me ! Gee, I'm in total awe here !  I guess I gave up on free verse after three attempts LOL, although now I come to think of it, I did write some, but under a different name though LOLKeep it up you two ! Sonnet next ? Ooops, that's a hard one, believe me, I tried a couple  |
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