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My Pathetic Offering
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My Pathetic Offering |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania 
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I don't even know if I got counted in with this class, (I'm very tiny) but here goes anyway... Boundless smiles and hugs to match Along with composure that At no time seemed to tire Regardless of what my Quandary might be You are invariably there to support me Strength and courage No matter what enduring The tribulations that life passes out Radiance glistening through For the entire world to behold You never cared much about What other people thought That’s just not your approach But instead you are my rock The only sturdy circumstance in My all too uncertain life The shoulder on which I cry When the world turns It’s back on lonely little me But not you, you are always there You always have been and hope You will be there forever. You couldn’t possibly know what Lessons you’ve taught me in such A short period of time. ~Susie~ |
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| © Copyright 2000 Susan Acacio - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
What a wonderful free verse Angel. The strength behind your strength..... The shoulder you may lean on..... Sigh....beautiful Angel  |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Critiquing free verse is no easy chore for me. I have a tendency to want to check your meter, ya know? Let's see what we have here... This piece reads like a love letter - That's really nice. Your lack of punctuation allows the reader to interpret the sentence structure in their own way - another plus for free verse...  My only suggestions would be to adding some imagery to enhance your message, and perhaps consider your format. Free verse is most effective when line breaks are incorporated to highlight words and/or phrases. Nice poem... Nancy |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
this is nice, like the ending...and yep maybe just a bit of imagery to enhance your emotions....good work though |
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