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Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2000-02-17 10:08 PM


I don't even know if I got counted in with this class, (I'm very tiny) but here goes anyway...

Boundless smiles and hugs to match
Along with composure that
At no time seemed to tire
Regardless of what my
Quandary might be
You are invariably there to support me
Strength and courage
No matter what enduring
The tribulations that life passes out
Radiance glistening through
For the entire world to behold
You never cared much about
What other people thought
That’s just not your approach
But instead you are my rock
The only sturdy circumstance in
My all too uncertain life
The shoulder on which I cry
When the world turns
It’s back on lonely little me
But not you, you are always there
You always have been and hope
You will be there forever.
You couldn’t possibly know what
Lessons you’ve taught me in such
A short period of time.


 ~Susie~


© Copyright 2000 Susan Acacio - All Rights Reserved
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
1 posted 2000-02-19 07:59 PM


What a wonderful free verse Angel.
The strength behind your strength.....
The shoulder you may lean on.....

Sigh....beautiful Angel  

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
2 posted 2000-02-20 05:40 PM


Critiquing free verse is no easy chore for me. I have a tendency to want to check your meter, ya know?

Let's see what we have here... This piece reads like a love letter - That's really nice.

Your lack of punctuation allows the reader to interpret the sentence structure in their own way - another plus for free verse...

My only suggestions would be to adding some imagery to enhance your message, and perhaps consider your format.  Free verse is most effective when line breaks are incorporated to highlight words and/or phrases.

Nice poem...
Nancy

Corazon
Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209

3 posted 2000-02-21 03:31 PM


this is nice, like the ending...and yep maybe just a bit of imagery to enhance your emotions....good work though
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