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Help Me, Rondel!!!
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Help Me, Rondel!!! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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The rondel is a cute and tricky little French form consisting of 13 lines: two quatrains and a quintet, rhyming as follows: ABba abAB abbaA. The capital letters are the refrains, or repeats. See what you can do with this one! Example: A Rondel for Margarita On the carousel, on a summer's day, As the rest of the fairground goes gliding by, We coast together, now low, now high, But how quickly the moment slips away. She laughs at the music, elfin and fey, She laughs for joy at the sapphire sky, On the carousel, on a summer's day, As the rest of the fairground goes gliding by. How sweet her delight in simple play, Someday, without me, she'll take to the sky, Brave little fledgling, ready to fly. We must hold these moments while we may On the carousel, on a summer's day. Copyright © 2004 Gail Kavanagh |
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| © Copyright 2009 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
'gainst radiant bright golden fields heads lifted towards a smiling sun the magic of a moment's spun all serious demeanor yields Though for a time has lain concealed a transformation has begun 'gainst radiant bright golden fields heads lifted towards a smiling sun Disarmed as several thousand shields sway gently as in unison you cannot help but smile as one the flower armys' power's revealed gainst radiant bright golden fields |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Hey, Doc, it's intimidating having to follow your fine Rondel!!! You always set a high standard! Oh, well, I have a brave heart.  Leave Me Not Leave me not, my Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve. ~ For thy absence would lead to my utter demise.. Stand close by my side. ~ Let there be no good-byes. Savour my favours, for unto thee I shall cleave. Your soul speaks the truth and dares not deceive. Please listen to reason, for to depart is unwise. Leave me not, my Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve. ~ For thy absence would lead to my utter demise. Unto thee I’ll be open to embrace and receive. There be no reprisals or tears in mine eyes. I beseech thee, dear knight, to see past this guise. ~ For together new heights, we both will achieve. Leave me not, my Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve. LLD [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (08-03-2009 10:09 PM).] |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Ohh sounds challenging, and I want to try, but what's the difference between capital and non capital letters for the rhyme pattern? (Edited) Geez I really need to read closer... it was right there, in the instructions! But who reads instructions? [This message has been edited by crosscountry83 (08-03-2009 06:19 PM).] |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
EA, Many thanks for your kind words m'lady, 'twas never my intention to intimidate, howe'er, if this be the case per'aps Sir Balladeer woulds't be so kind as to place your fine offering ahead o'mine thus placing the intimidation on me, lol. Doc CC83, Maybe I can help with that. The lines designated with capital letters are repeated verbatim throughout the poem. The lines designated with lower case letters share ending rhymes. Hope this helps,oh and welcome to Passions and the workshop. Doc [This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (08-03-2009 09:41 PM).] |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Dear Doctor, ye be genteel, chivalous ~ and ever so sweet.  ~ Thank you, kind sir! However, this maiden poetess shall duly remain in the wake of thy lofty waves.  EA |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
An inadequate but worthwhile attempt. I at least learned something... We swore we'd be friends forever and ever, We said that always, with no delay. Thought we only, of "today," The best of all times we had together. Then split our paths for separate endeavors, But still our friendship never decayed. we swore we'd be friends for ever and ever, We said that always, with no delay. Time pulled our distance further and further, when my my friend had to move away. Then we found a friendship can fray. we still wouldn't be friends with just whoever, we swore we'd be friends forever and ever. Rileigh |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Oh Dr. Moose, I try and try to keep up with you, since I can't keep up with Balladeer, but it just seems almost impossible for me to do. Maybe I should just put down my writing pen? |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
EA, Lol, my thanks again. Doc CC83, I rarely critique in this forum as it's not my job, but since this fell in between two other postings my only comment would be to check your meter as I feel it's not consistent,that and the double word post which was obviously a typo.I felt you adhered well to the format and I liked the subject matter. Doc Oklahoma Rose, Perish the thought , and I do mean that literally. You've made much progress, it would be a shame to let it go at this point. When I first started posting here I made innumerable mistakes ( and sometimes still do )it's all part of the learning process. All you need is the desire to write, the rest will follow. Doc |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Well Dr. Moose, I do have the desire to write. I just get real frustrated with myself. |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
just sayin' hi guys... ~too busy with real life to participate now and hoping that the gold star I got in the mail will count as extra credit? some how?...  shel |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Yeah, I know, I just started writing poetry 5 or so days ago, and I've never been very good at it... So I know I have a lot to work on, thanks for the input! Balladeer said the same thing, I must be really off...! Rileigh |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ah, Moose, you are a master indeed, not only in your construction but in the ideas you come up with. You had me standing in the field, watching the flowers opening to begin a new day....excellent. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Angel, I love you theme, too. It's just the meter that keeps giving you a problem, although it is much better than before. The majority of you poem in anapestic and sounds good, except in the areas where it deviates. In the first stanza, first line begins anapestic, second line anapestic, third line iambic and fourth line trochaic. You need to plan a rhyme scheme in the same way you plan the words and make them consistent. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
CC83, for a new beginner to poetry, you are doing very well. Yes, you also need work on the meter but that will just take a little study. I suggest you look up our past lessons dealing with the different types of meter and study them....keep up the good work! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Ooops! Oh, deer, I did all that? I'll have to look up those terms! lol I knew the meters were different but I liked the varied rhythm and how they sounded ~ as if I was actually speaking the words. I followed the 'recipe' for the rhyme scheme, but there was no mention of having to use a specific meter or whether one had to be followd at all, so I thought I could do as I pleased.  Thank you for reading and critiquing!  LL |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Lol, hardly a "master" but I'll take the compliment. The wife and I were out for a drive and came across two fields of sunflowers, one on each side of the road. Had to stop the car and just enjoy the incredible beauty of twenty of so acres of five ft. tall sunflowers, heads tilted towards the sun in a brilliant blue sky. I defy anyone to stand there and not smile if for no other reason than thinking of the other cars whizzing by, their occupants completely clueless as to what our "problem" was, two "idiots" standing in the middle of nowhere grinning from ear to ear. End of story. Doc |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Doc, I saw a field like that a few years ago. Now I want to grow a field of sunflowers. I stand around on the side of roads when the geese fly into the fields in the fall. I love cold, crisp mornings and hearing the geese. I could stand there for hours. Thank you for the early morning smile. Alison |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Doc, nothing man can create can ever be as beautiful as nature itself. You captured it very well. Angel, I really like the poem and the discrepancies are minor. I read it out loud and it sounds good....I'm just a nit-picker  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Okay, I rolled up the sleeves of my 'vestments' and did some tweaking. Now the meter is consistent throoughout the entire poem. Now it is totally in anapest. ~ At least I think it is! Leave Me Not Leave me not, dear Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve. ~ For thy absence wouldst lead to mine utter demise. By mine side, may ye stand. ~ Let there be no good-byes. I shall bare all to thee ~ as to thee I shall cleave. Thy soul speakeths the truth and dares not to deceive. Dare ye listen to reason? ~ To go is unwise. Leave me not, dear Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve. ~ For thy absence wouldst lead to mine utter demise. Unto thee I’ll be open to hold and receive. There will be no reprisals or tears in mine eyes. I beseech thee, dear knight, to see past this disguise. ~ For together new heights, we shall surely achieve. Leave me not, dear Beloved, lest this heart aggrieve. LLD |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Balladeer, If you were not a "nit picker" we would not be trying to do our best and then push one more time (or two more times, or three more times ... or ... well, you know what I mean). Your nit picking is pushing us on. Please, keep on picking the nits. Alison |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
B & A ~ I knew that monkeys were "nit-pickers" ~ but deer?!? lol LL |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Ack another!  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Alison's Addiction Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind Fuel desire to make my heart race Kidnap me from a mundane grind Nothing ever will take your place All can see that for you I pine Satisfaction, your kiss will grace Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind Fuel desire to make my heart race Such addiction wraps like a bind Oh! Hide my need and leave no trace Ice cream bar crumbs cover my face Many kinds remain to taste and find Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind - Alison |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Boop-boop-ba-doop I did a make-up assignment. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I'm guessing those are Klondike bars, Alison??? What a wonderful surprise to have you show up and cover past assignments....and do it so well!!!! With the exception of cringing while reading "for you I pine", it's a terrific piece, representative of your normal excellent work. A tip o' the Balladeer hat to ya!  |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Yep, Klondike bars --- love 'em. I know the "for you I pine" was kind of icky. Here's another attempt. - Alison's Addiction Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind Fuel desire to make my heart race Kidnap me from a mundane grind Nothing ever will take your place All agree I was born to pine Satisfaction, your kiss will grace Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind Fuel desire to make my heart race Such addiction wraps like a bind Oh! Hide my need and leave no trace Ice cream bar crumbs cover my face Many kinds remain to taste and find Dreamy thoughts occupy my mind - I have a few assignments to catch up on. So, I'll be working on them later (I hope). Thank you, deer friend. xoxoxo A |
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