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Teen Poetry #2
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The Jackal
since 1999-08-13
Posts 426
Springfield, Massachusetts U.S.A

0 posted 2000-01-29 12:12 PM

are you done asking why
theres so much to know
but we have quite a ways to go
if you lead me to the morning after
can that prevent more disaster
for the see through soul
the place i save..where nothing will ever grow

© Copyright 2000 John Dixon - All Rights Reserved
since 2000-01-24
Posts 67
el paso
1 posted 2000-01-30 07:55 PM

I'm not sure I understand, regardless though it's a well written poem.

 Love isn't a miracle in life, the miracle of life is love.

Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
2 posted 2000-01-30 08:36 PM

jackal: this poem is very good (like most of your work that i've read)... i only have a few very minor suggestions: 1. you might want to hyphenate "see-through" in the poem (it was hard to read accurately without the hyphen) and you might consider making the last phrase "where nothing will ever grow" the last line... that would be more in keeping with the verse form of the poem... i like this poem a lot (especially the part about the see-through soul) and i hope to read more of your work on the forum soon...

jerome the boy with the blue thumb

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

since 2000-01-31
Posts 228

3 posted 2000-01-31 04:53 PM

While I don't have anything very intelligent such as a rhyming scheme to comment on, I must say that I really love this poem. It strikes a deep chord within my heart.
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
4 posted 2000-01-31 10:36 PM

Exellent work, I also enjoyed "see-through soul".  Keep it up!  

 *Krista Knutson*

One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.
~*Antonio Porchia*~

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