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Teen Poetry #2
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Chaos
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Chaos |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
The dream I had Gave me a fright It was my dad And he was all right I lived in his house The one he left to me I felt like a mouse So little and free Roaming around Searching for some new life Feeling I'm about to drown Then standing on a knife I almost awoke And to my surprise I began to choke He was about to arise But then I saw He's not suppose to be here He was all gnawed My eyes were filled with fear My daddy is dead What is going on? He has no head I can't wait for dawn Then I weighed a ton And couldn't see my feet But I still began to run I needed to defeat My eyes were blinded Here came the sun I became all winded Up in something like twine I tried to cry But all I could do was whine I tried to scream But nothing came out Only this dream It popped out of my mouth Onto the to ground I still tried to shout But then I began to frown This wasn’t just a dream It was my wish For me to gleam I saw him one last time So I stood and smiled Then I collapsed while trying to climb The phone that I dialed Sent me home to my bed Then one last tear I began to shed My eyes started to open My mouth began to yawn It really did happen Because I finally reached the dawn (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Stephani Ann - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DC Junior Member
since 2000-01-22
Posts 13Arkansas |
I think this is a really good poem. Keep up the work! |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Just to tell you "open and happen" doesn't rhyme and you're meter is off through the whole poem. Work on this one a bit more! |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
your poem was very good, but I'm not sure I understand it. Is it really about a dream, or is it deeper than that? |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
This was a good poem. However, I have to take Master's stand point. If I didn't I wouldn't be helping you. The meter was thrown off there and in a few other places in the writing. Just go back over the meter and fix the two or three lines that are wrong and you'll have yourself a very creative poem. You are dreaming in this one right? |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
Thanks for the advice guys, but I'm not even a real poet, so I have NO idea what a meter is. But I DID have a weird dream about my father(who is deceased) the night before I wrote this. I don't know where I was going with one. I just sat down after I woke up and wrote. I'm just gonna leave it the way it. But thanks everyone! (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
*~*bump*~* 4 months later... I now know what meter is  ~LOL! (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Weird!! Glad to know that you finally know what "meter" is....uh could you define it for me? My guess is rhyming pattern but I'm not sure at all. Do tell! Love and hugs, Lizzie "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
Thank you again! A meter is something along the lines of a recurrent rhythmical pattern. Like a rhyming scheme. (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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