navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » If I Died
Teen Poetry #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic If I Died Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

0 posted 2000-06-04 10:00 PM

This is about a different kind of love and loss.

If I Died

Everyone must go sometime,
but some must go today.
They have no choice, it's just their time.
For who's crimes must they pay?
Unwilling sacrifices to the Gods
who take on with their powers.
Taking lives but not their own...
simply taking our's.
I see the dead na wonder why
everyone is here.
Knowing that we all shall die-
seeing constant fear.
If I were next, the chosen one
by whom the toll is paid,
who would grieve at my loss-
now my deathbed's made?
I know a few of those who might
cry until they bleed.
But some i wonder if they would...
if my love they truly need.
A blackened vail over my poor mother's eyes,
my father's going mad.
My brother holds my sister's hand-
all so far beyond sad.
A priest preaches the word of God,
shedding not a tear.
My body lifeless in a box...
At last my futures clear.

Jeremy D. Halstead


© Copyright 2000 Jeremy D. Halstead - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
1 posted 2000-06-04 10:52 PM

WOW! All your writing is so powerful! I love this one just as much as the others! Kepp 'em coming! Love Always ~*~Jessica~*~
since 1999-11-14
Posts 69
2 posted 2000-06-04 10:59 PM

One word: WOW. I have to agree with StarPryncess on this one...this is so powerful and very thought-provoking. Death is such a powerful subject, and you expressed your feelings about it very well in this piece. great work.

since 1999-08-25
Posts 176
3 posted 2000-06-04 11:45 PM

I would have to agree this is powerful. Some of us don't like think about it when we die. I do believe that you did a good job though.


 "Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls."

Lucius Cade
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235
4 posted 2000-06-05 02:37 AM

This is a great poem. Now you got me all thinking about my own funeral. That just shows that your writing really is powerful. Great work

 Lucidity is the answer to all problems

since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
5 posted 2000-06-05 02:10 PM

Yikes!!!  This is only the second poem of yours that I've read, and I'm definately gonna look for some more when I'm in... I like this a lot...  Keep up the good work...
Kristi Lynn

since 2000-04-09
Posts 491
6 posted 2000-06-05 02:23 PM

Hi Jeremy
Nothing is bad as it seems. You'll recover. Just keep praying with faith in god and Jesus will surely bless you.


since 1999-09-23
Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa
7 posted 2000-06-05 03:50 PM

Since one of my friends died a few weeks I myself have been thinking of death alot. You putt thoughts to words very precisely. You can't help to think about who will cry and then who will cry when they hear about your death.

Great poem, keep up the good stuff.

 Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.

Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
8 posted 2000-06-05 06:48 PM

ok well, I know I already replied but I would like to reply to something some one else said. (sorry Jeremy) Well, A_L looks like you confused me again! How can you say nothing is as bad as it seems? Have you ever lost someone you love very much? It's very disheartening and traumatic. and when you lose someone you love, it is as bad as it seems. nothing against your positive out looks on life or anythin like that, but I have felt that loss and it hurts and it was evern worse than it seemed. Please don't be offended that I disagree, just take into the consideration of how it fells to lose someone you love! Love Always ~*~Jessica Lynn~*~
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » If I Died

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary