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ILoveSrfrs
Member
since 1999-11-14
Posts 69
California

0 posted 2000-06-04 09:32 PM


I excuse my hastiness and get up quickly
I have butterflies in my mouth
I have just dissected what keeps me alive
What I wish would let me die

I run to the ladies room and kneel at my familiar altar
Praying for a painless resurrection
Sticking the two unholy fingers in my mouth
I close my eyes and repent

Retching sounds are my background music
The soundtrack to my sad life
Gagging is now second nature
But being unhappy is first

I figured out how to beat the system
To give back what was given
I get up and cleanse my hands of their sins
Looking at my reflection and frowning

Dear God, make me thin

------------------
hello everyone, obviously this is about bulemia (something far too many people, myself included, are familiar with) - I would love any replies, good or bad, on this poem. Please feel free to rip it apart. Thanks a lot, Marissa


© Copyright 2000 ILoveSrfrs - All Rights Reserved
Vball Chickie1624
Member
since 2000-05-14
Posts 116
New York
1 posted 2000-06-04 09:42 PM


This is a good poem.  About something sad, but it is well written...and hopefully it will help people to not make the same mistake!  Good job...keep writing!!

love ya,
Danielle  

 "Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do."

"The role of a writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say."
- Anais Nin

"Follow your own heart, not others."



Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A
2 posted 2000-06-04 10:15 PM


Hey, that must have been something fairly difficult to write.  I don't have bulemia, but I do have a problem like it.  I've always thought I was a little to thin and tried to gain weight.  I'll eat and eat until I can't take anymore and them stuff some more.  I have to do this all the time or I start to lose weight.  I'm 5'10" and I'm staying around 150 lbs.  It I don't gorge all the time, I'll start getting thinner though.  I'ts a similar problem, yet totally opposite.  Since I turned 19 (about a year ago) I've gotten a little better about not caring if I drop a few pounds...I can always get it back if I try.  Good luck with your situation and with your writing.

Jeremy Halstead

 

CLBinLOVE
Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA
3 posted 2000-06-04 10:25 PM


well... i like it, but i think it hits too close to home for me, my girlfriend is kinda starving herself, and neither i nor anyone else that has tried can get her to think that she is thin, although she eats like, 2 packs or crackers and a yogurt a day, its scary,m and i can see where the pain in the poem comes from, other than that, i really like the poem, it helps me see things in a different light, thanks for the enlightenment

Craig Baker

ILoveSrfrs
Member
since 1999-11-14
Posts 69
California
4 posted 2000-06-04 10:57 PM


Thanks for your replies. Jeremy, I wish you luck and also you Craig - I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend. It's great of you to be concerned and try to help her in this tough situation. I hope you can help her.
This poem is from my personal life, and I was a little "iffy" on sharing this with the forums. Please, any replies are greatly appreciated...thank you all so much
marissa

StarPryncess17
Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
Colorado
5 posted 2000-06-04 11:02 PM


Marissa! my heart is with you! I totally know how you feel! battling an eating disorder is not an easy task! about 2 years ago I htought I was fat! I started eating less and less and losing lots of weight. My mom dind't know about it until I was doing this for 8 or 9  months and by thi point had lost over 50 pounds of my original 120. She was very disheartened and discouraged with my attempts to lose weight all because of my modelling contract. so I gave up modelling and took up getting my eating habits back to normal. NOT AN EASY THING TO DO! I hope you work this out because it is not the answer. If you need support or just to talk please e-mail me! I UNDERSTAND! Love Always~*~Jessica Lynn~*~ p.s.-my prayers are with you!!
Isabelle
Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176
Indiana
6 posted 2000-06-04 11:02 PM


This poem is on a very touchy subject. You also gave me insight on this subject. I've never dealt with bulemia myself. I don't wish for anyone else to. I do have to agree this is well written ..even though it's sad that it from experience.


Jeanna Baker

 "Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls."
~Voltaire~


StarPryncess17
Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
Colorado
7 posted 2000-06-04 11:03 PM


Marissa! my heart is with you! I totally know how you feel! battling an eating disorder is not an easy task! about 2 years ago I htought I was fat! I started eating less and less and losing lots of weight. My mom dind't know about it until I was doing this for 8 or 9  months and by thi point had lost over 50 pounds of my original 120. She was very disheartened and discouraged with my attempts to lose weight all because of my modelling contract. so I gave up modelling and took up getting my eating habits back to normal. NOT AN EASY THING TO DO! I hope you work this out because it is not the answer. If you need support or just to talk please e-mail me! I UNDERSTAND! Love Always~*~Jessica Lynn~*~ p.s.-my prayers are with you!!
ILoveSrfrs
Member
since 1999-11-14
Posts 69
California
8 posted 2000-06-04 11:07 PM


Wow, thank you all so much for your support - not only with the writing, but with this situation. I've been crossing the line between anorexia and bulemia for about a year and a half...It's so hard, and really the only way I could talk about it was through this poem. Thanks again for everyones replies and support. love you all..
marissa

XTC_AngeL
Junior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 17
Australia
9 posted 2000-06-04 11:12 PM


Marissa, I know exactly how you feel. I to suffer from this horrible disease, although not as long as you. I found your poem very touching and horribly realistic and relatable. I hope you get better soon, I'm with you all the way.
Love alwayz Nat


 ¤XTC AngeL¤

Crystalina123
Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 228

10 posted 2000-06-05 09:20 AM


Well I too know where you're coming from. For over a year I forced myself to throw up after every meal. I'll save you the boring story and just say that I'm five five and 135 - 140 pounds -- not exactly the ideal weight of a teenage girl in a weight obsessed society. Compounded with the fact that at the time I was dating a worm of a guy who thought it was fun to beat me up and tell me how "undesirable" I was.
I'm pretty much ok now, though I will never be truly alright. Ocassionally when my life starts tro spin out of control I deal with the all too farmiliar urge to make myself throw up.
I wish I had comforting words of wisdom for you but unfortunately I don't know of any. Beautiful poem. My prayers and thoughts are with you. If you ever want to talk, E-mail me.


Love,
Crystal

Jeremy -- I had no idea that people actually tried to gain weight, though I guess with guys the standards is to be heavier versus with females "the thinner is the winner" -- huh? Thanks for enlightening me on this!!

 "The worst of what people do to one another is deceive.
Because when you love someone you control their version
of reality. If you lie to them that's like making them
autistic so that what they believe is reality is in fact,
not their true situation at all."

It's not the angry words that break the heart, it's the silence.

Someone said that true love is like a ghost -- often spoke of but never seen.
I've seen both and yet in my darkest hours, tend to believe that neither exits.

Lani_DarkOne
Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152
UK
11 posted 2000-06-05 01:44 PM


Marissa, it must have been hard to write this..emotionally I mean. I know how you feel... and this I think is a great step in recovery...writing that great poem which is what I've felt the last couple of years.
If you want to talk, email me.

Lani.

ILoveSrfrs
Member
since 1999-11-14
Posts 69
California
12 posted 2000-06-05 07:17 PM


Once again, thank you all. I've been doing a lot better now, actually since writing this poem. I'm almost 15 years old, 5'6" and about 90 pounds. I lose and gain weight really easily so my weight is always changing,and it's always a problem to me. But your replies have helped more than I can say. Thank you all for caring! I love you guys!!
marissa

amazon_lover
Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491
Dublin,Ireland
13 posted 2000-06-05 07:26 PM


Hi
Being fat or thin, is it an issue at all ?
A person is considered attractive if he's good in his thoughts and actions he/she does. So don't feel inferior , for you're an entity as evryone are different from them. Forms are god's creation and it should be respected.

Sincerely
A_L

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

14 posted 2000-06-18 01:50 PM


Wow, that was a really good poem!  I'm not bulemic, but I can relate.  I know that must have taken a lot to post out here, and I think it was worth it.  Best of luck to you!
-Bel

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
15 posted 2007-11-15 07:28 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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