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Teen Poetry #2
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snowgirl17
Junior Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 20
Cloquet,Mn

0 posted 2000-04-26 04:23 PM



When it all been said and done.
God will you raise them up.
Did they do their best to live for you.
But was it enough.

When it all been said and done.
A date will mean everything.
For fozen in the relm of time.
Will be the moment gone.

When it all been said and done.
I wonder will I go.
To the tresure trove
Or fire pit.
On time will stand the test.

So we live our life from day to day.
Is it all enough.
Should we stand in the old
or focus on the new.


 Lane C.

© Copyright 2000 Lane C. - All Rights Reserved
son of man
Member
since 2000-04-25
Posts 125

1 posted 2000-04-26 06:00 PM


"when its all been said and done" is a great poetic concept in my opinion, so apparently you have the characteristical mind-frame of an intellectual poet. i read your poem, and i understand your thoughts-to an extent. poetry's beauty, i believe, lies in the depths within the individual from which it comes. this poem , in my opinion is very beautiful.

 

7
Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113
Amherst, MA, USA
2 posted 2000-04-26 06:14 PM


this is one of those simple but profound poems... it's really quite intriguing. something i think about everyday - the questions that can't be answered, no matter how hard we try.

another thing, it reminds me of a poem i wrote a few years ago. i can post it if you want to hear, but i wouldn't want to steal your topic or anything.

great job!
7

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
3 posted 2000-04-27 10:47 AM


~~when all is said and done, tis better to focus on the new~~~~~
Nice writing~~~~~


 A life isn't significant except for its impact on other lives.


4eva_at_heart
Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 238

4 posted 2000-04-28 08:08 AM


this is simple...but...wow!
is this a first post?? welcome to Passions!
like son of man said...te repitition of 'when it all been said and done' works great!

keep up the work...hope to see more soon

Bec

 i never thought i'd die alone, i laughed the loudest who'd have known?
i traced the cord back to the wall, no wonder it was never plugged in at all
i took my time, i hurried up
the choice was mine i didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on, you'll be sorry when i'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when i still felt alive, we couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over i'd survived
I couldn't wait till i got home, to pass the time in my room alone
I never thought i'd die alone, another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to my friends, you'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time i spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall, please tell mum this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came
But tomorrow holds such better days
Days when i can still feel alive, when i can't wait to get outside
The world was wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, i've survived
I can't wait till i get home, to pass the time in my room alone

'Adam's Song'
Blink 182

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
5 posted 2000-04-28 10:19 PM


Welcome to Passions. A very nice introduction of yourself.   I have to agree with Danny's reply, focus on the new. Well done.  
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