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Teen Poetry #2
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New Member
since 2000-03-18
Posts 7

0 posted 2000-03-22 02:36 AM

Well, it's been a while
and according to my friends, I should be over you by now.
But, despite what i've done to forget you, you're still on my mind.
Why won't you leave me alone, you torment me, as if you have better things to do.
My life was once peaceful, then I met you and it threw my world into a blissful disarray of emotions.
I love the fact that you've been a part of my life and hate you for rejecting me from yours.  Love & Hate: when I finally decide which I will choose for you, trust me, you will be the last to know...

© Copyright 2000 CJM - All Rights Reserved
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
1 posted 2000-03-22 09:39 AM

I like this, although I must say that it sounds more like a statement than a poem.  Sorry!  
~Kristi Lynn

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
2 posted 2000-03-22 11:20 AM

I think Kristi Lynn is right about it sounding like a statement.  However, the emotional discovery you had is that experience all feel when once a person understands what this feeling (love) means when it first BITES.
I feel you have a good basis here for poem if you just changed the structure somewhat.
Welcome to Passions. You'll find that your writing gets better as you post more work.
Best regards,

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